[It was a good job they weren't bonded, or he'd have noticed her hesitating. She spends the better part of an hour that morning looking at her watch. But what to say, now they weren't in danger.]
Can you go to the farm with me? I need fertilizer but can't carry it.
[It was like she was going very fast. Nor was their little chaperon, the leash loosely held in the fae's hand going down the little dog. The little dog that might have been a bit bigger than the last time Eren saw him, he might have grown, or it was just his winter coat.
That little snoot winkles at the dragon's approach, but the puppy does nothing. Taking his cue from Mikasa to stay with her.
There was a reason she was bringing Tater along, multiple reasons. One he needed exercise. Her numerous injuries had meant he'd not been able to go as far as he normally would. Two, he'd be a useful distraction if things got too awkward. Mikasa shuffled on her crutches, she wasn't doing so great. Her leg was better than it had been, not that she was going to push it for once. Eren might know it from his own scales, but her chitin had clouded over, getting ready to shed. It itched and it sucked. She was going to do things anyWAY-
Eren got a small nod in greeting. And...She's thinking. They'd really been left at an awkward spot hadn't they? Or she had.
But never the less she moves on, or attempts to. Shrugging towards the house where Eren might hear or smell the chickens in the back garden. ]
It's just me now. [There was a horrible irony to it. That she'd be stuck with a bum leg while the people closest vanished. Granted she'd still probably do a better job of hefting things than Howl or Trucy.] Thanks...
[She'd mentioned being surprised he'd actually agreed, but he was the one who'd said he wanted to be a part of things again. Wasn't he?]
[ with the dragonās approach, he lifts a hand, acknowledges her hello with one of his own. awkward . . . yes. that was probably for the both of them, because even now he feels something in his chest drop at the closing distance. the dog . . . the dog is not happy to see him, but really who is these days?
erenās eyes speak for him, mostly, when she does. alone? perhaps not so alone with tater, but everyone had gone. the thanks earns a soft gruntā and a turn of his head to the side as they began to eventually walk. ]
[Mikasa kept moving, it was going to be a slow journey for her. A lot more than his 20 minutes, and they were heading even further. To the farms just beyond the outskirts.
Eren's comment though. That gets a pause, as she looked down at the pup. Gives him a squint. Then still squinting she looked back at Eren silently. She doesn't speak until she's moving again.]
Hardly. That's all he's grown in the months I've had him... [She gave a small noise, almost a snort of a laugh.] Or are you saying he's fat like Jean did?
[The audacity at calling her walking poofball fat. He was just fluffy and made for being loved. And thus, his little tail started wagging as they walked along. He was enjoying himself. Until the dog noticed the awkward air, how Mikasa's silence was different to normal, then he'd give a little grumbly noise at the dragon.
Tater didn't understand. But this guy had made Mika sad before, but she'd come to him so he was ???
Mikasa herself wasn't doing much better. In the dream...She hadn't exactly been ready to talk. But she'd been worn down to say what was probably one of the last things that had been left unsaid. She didn't think she'd ever be 100% ready and comftable saying it, the last time she'd tried...That had been when they'd been about to die, hadn't it? Where she'd thought she wouldn't live long enough to suffer a bitter sting if her feelings had changed things.
But now? Now there was a tired sigh. It didn't matter, did it? Not now. She still didn't look up at the dragon though. She focused on where she was walking. But she did pipe up, while they were still in the quiet part of town.]
...Did you really not know? [Even though Connie and Sasha had picked up enough to joke around. Armin had always known, giving little nudges. Even Levi... Even after her flopped confession as she'd tried to lean in.]
[ she'll realize that eren takes it as slow as she does with no impatient need to walk ahead. kind of useless to do that on all fronts, home included. he sort of huffs with some breathy but slightly dead humor at the mention of jean calling the dog fat, and maybe tater sort of did look it. maybe it was all the fur? if he had more jab in him, he'd probably say "yes" just to see what happens.
he doesn't, for the most part. eren too, keeps his pale gaze forward and as awkwardly ahead as she did. it's until she began to speak again that made eren seem all the more still in soun. one could take a gander that he wasn't breathing, all to assimilate more that just the clicks of his foot talons against each other and the ground as they trekked. ]
You said we were family.
[ and that was all, wasn't it? eren's voice is uncharacteristically stiff. when he'd tried to imagine anything more than that, it felt as if . . . it was something so out of reach, so unbelievable that he's come to believe the qualm that was born from his own self assurance in the eyes of social capability. ]
[She didn't lift her head to look, even if she gave a small chirp at the claw clicks before she could swallow it. It meant nothing. The dragon's clicks from his movements weren't the same as her noises. Not like when she'd click her wings or her second set of arms together.]
I was talking about before. They'd known since before we were even in the scouts... [It had been so many years. So many small attempts at showing affection and care only to be rebuffed. The closest she'd... Well no. During her first confession. The moment when they had been about to die. Eren had literally gotten up before she'd finished and walked off. The second time. The one where she'd been so sure she was about to die and was ready to say it and had leant in.
He'd moved away again. Made that promise. Then never spoke of it again.
And then they'd fallen into that comfortable silence. She hovered less, he let her in his space more. Enough to not bat her away when she tried to swaddle him in a cloak. But with that comfort, another feeling had welled up in her. While Eren hadn't acknowledged what she'd said, he hadn't pushed her back like he had before. She'd gotten comfortable with that, didn't want to change things and risk losing that.]
I said that... [When he'd asked that confusing question out of nowhere and he'd been stood so close, focused on her. And she'd panicked. What if she's confessed. Would that have changed how things had turned out? No. He'd already said that. That it was too late to change the outcome.
From the moment Eren had walked out of that courtroom, it had been too late.]
Didn't you work out a few months ago? That it was more than that? [It had only been a few months ago. When she'd realised that one of the first times she'd gotten close to someone, and it had been the person she'd been trying to deal with losing.
Which makes her pause. Tater giving a little yip as his leash pulled taut. While Mikasa remembers his drunken confession, his admission later that it hadn't been a lie.]
[ from before they were scouts. eren canāt touch upon that; when he was a child, even a young teen, only one thing mattered to him: revenge. he was dumb as bricks otherwise, and could hardly pick up any cues anywhere close to romantic. not to mention his inferiority complex when it came to mikasa back thenā she was always the strongest of them. she would coddle him to the point of suffocation, wanting to be someone on his own rather than be seen as an infant brother who needed protection. a boy just standing behind a shield. couldnāt he do something by himself? couldnāt he prove, more to himself than to anyone, that he was more than what heās come to believe? would there ever be a day where heād be the one to protect them? it came, but it was costly and tangled between his own desires that were far from selfless. ]
Why would anyone feel that for me? Why would you?
[ it must be misplaced physical attraction. it must be a maternal need to care. heād gone so far to lie about blood making her a slave to him. it had to be anything but what he thought and at the same time couldnāt bring himself to think for long that it was; eren keeps walking, slow and at the same time distant in his voice. quiet so theyāre the only ones to hear, with his expression downcast. ]
You were always stronger. All Iād do was get into trouble. [ while brief, it does bring back the comment he had given on top of the bright wall: Iām not worth it. ] It doesnāt . . . Make sense to me. No matter how hard I think on it.
[Mikasa would agree with the sentiment that he was as dumb as a brick. Back then and now. The huff of air escapes before she even manages to stop it. He...
He really liked to ask difficult questions, didn't he?
Questions that brought their own problems. She didn't have an exact answer. Or, she didn't think he'd accept the answer she did have. That he was home, that he'd given her some form of hope when she'd given up. That even if the world was cruel and merciless, it wasn't all bad. But... She didn't know how to say it.
He was already convinced that it was because he'd saved her. That wasn't it, it'd been the moment he'd wrapped that scarf around her. Given her a home when she thought she had nothing. No one. Then he'd grabbed her along, let her into his space with Carla and Grisha. The warmth of a family that she never thought she'd get to experience again after Mother and Father had been killed. Depending on how one looked at it, that could be seen as him saving her.
Could she think of the words that would make it clear that no. While the events were close, connected, her reason was different.
Her head tilted. Looking at his shoulder and wing as they walked along. Too short to really see his face for long and move at the same time. Taking a breath before speaking.]
...Does those things have to make sense? Does that mean there's a reason for you, how you feel?
[When he'd said he felt like more than a friend. She was actually curious. If there had to be a reason and it had to make sense, then what was his reason?]
[ this was the longest . . . hardest . . . walk they've taken, littered with bouts of silence and words that bring more silence. does it have to make sense? he can hear his own heartbeat, loud in his ears as his gut dropped and felt hollow, as he searched for something in the darkest parts of his mind to find that he never will— because he never had to begin with.
does that mean you have a reason for how you feel?
she's got him now. if anything, he can't muster up a single counter act to protect himself, because it's something he's always said, ironically enough to come back and bite his ass: do you really need a reason to feel the way you do? it defeats the purpose of feelings at all, they weren't math equations where the answer was always absolute. he didn't have a reason for what he said, other than— it was true and that was it. but the way he looks at mikasa now is as if something in him has been hit, is breaking apart, and shattering at his feet in so many tiny pieces that trying to pick them back up would just be a waste of time.
the looks she sees on his face is rare and uncharacteristic compared to the more recent years he's spent, or not, with them, but it's a look that brings back something that felt ancient and lost: the open vulnerability of eren jaeger, raw and true to see like an open book he failed to burn.
his jaw stiffens, his neck strains, and his eyes . . . look more alive than he's ever been the last five years. what was that in there, in his thin, reptilian pupils, in the most subtle press of his brows in an attempt to hide what was pouring?
it was fear of some sort. ]
Do, [ it was dry, and very delayed. how long would he run? ] you believe me?
[Mikasa just kept moving, plonking her crutches down and slowly moving along. Reveling slightly in his silence, for being the one to stun him quiet. To ask him a question where he hesitates.
For a moment, she takes the lull to give Tater a glance. Make sure he's keeping up, not getting tangled in her crutches. He's fine. Then she felt his eyes on her and she stills, staring back. His eyes making her gasp.
Her eyes were unreadable. Almost completely black, only a small flicker passing through her compound eyes for a second. Then they crease. That slight movement of the lower lid like at that table, then she blinks. Did she belive him? After all the lies...hadn't he'd said that he'd talk. And yet...
Was he still hiding?
It made the provobibabal hackles raise, or in her case. The second spiny set of arms lifted a little, making themselves visable as they poked out above her shoulders. Her eyebrows knitting together when she finally opens her eyes to frown up at him.]
... Why would I have invited you to talk if I didn't? [Firm words. She sounded a lot more steady then she felt and she blinks again, clearing her vision before it has chance to fog up again.]
[ the hit is pulled in and eren flees from showing moreā a redundant thing since heās already shown too much, and with that: he surrenders. his shoulders are somehow still tense but they sag anyway. ]
You have every reason not to, and, [ he thought that maybe, he was just making sure. having certainty that he, they could proceed. but perhaps heās frightened to proceed in the first place. he breathes in, holds, and finally speaks again. ] I donāt want to hurt you again.
[ he never didā but he truly felt like he had to. and just his words, but . . . everything, if they moved forward with this knowledge, together. ]
[He's still getting the stare down. Then she turned with a huff, her crutches plonking as she started moving along again. Tater giving a yip as she started moving, finally! The boy wanted to sniff things.]
I have every reason not to, and yet I have. [She's invited him to talk, to spend time with her. Even if it was just helping and lugging things around...] You're stalling again... [Was that a casual observation, or a tired one? Even she wasn't sure.
She hated it, that it was all so complicated. Things were so much easier all those years ago. He didn't want to hurt her, so he didn't speak, but that silence hurt too. She let out another breath, slowing again. More of a sigh than a huff this time.]
...You said you wanted to be a part of my life here, didn't you? [Queit. Quiet but steady.] What's your life like here?
[ āso what if he was stalling? or just getting some things straight, yes, because how else could he proceed? or perhaps thatās him, lying to himself as the color to his scales changed from black to cherry red.
maybe this was the start. would he take it or leave it, after saying heād . . . want something different? no other chance would present itself the same way.
erenās silence is short lived, this time. or, at least, it ends before it could get any more quiet and stilted. if mikasa was moving ahead, then how long would it take for eren to accept that? hell, accept himself. ]
Almost, [ a huff, but was it close to a laugh? an ironic one? ] boring.
[ but heād occupy himselfā with odd jobs he wouldnāt even keep the pay for, it all went to the children. ]
Iām at the orphanage more and, [ he rolls his shoulders, ] work, whenever I can. If itās not work, then . . . Instinct, now.
[If she was a mind reader, she'd laugh at the irony. Because really, for all him wanting to be back in her life. He hadn't been, hovering at the edges, watching, keeping his distance. Sure he might have known some things.
But would he really be a part of her life? She didn't think that counted. More like a friendly stranger.
Even if it was awkward. They had to find a way around that, hovering around and ignoring it wouldn't do anything. His response gets snort.] Yeah... This place is like that. [Spoken as though she was the one who'd been here longer. Because she had been so restless with so much time.]
...Is that really it? [Eren...Even she had more hobbies than that.] Is that why you dug a hole to my garden?
[ hypocrisy my name is erenā itās easy to want something. it wasnāt as easy to do it. even if it took them time, even if he felt less self worth than shit could ever gain . . . he had a lot of time to catch up and take back, if he really wanted to. ]
That was on full moons . . . [ heās recalling the times that he could actually remember with clarity for that. ] I dug a lot during that. Half because of your smell and half because I still wanted to see you.
[ but he shrugs there and kicks a stray pebble in their way. ]
I didnāt know what was happening to me. [ . . . and for good measure: ] Itās covered up, now.
[She kept plodding along, slowing her pace again. So they could talk, but also get where they needed to at some point.
Though she did have to pause for a moment. Tater had decided that he was going to try and dart out and catch the pebble yipping at it. Failing to reach it. Returning...With a leaf that gets spat out near the dragons foot... Right.]
Do you know what's happening now? [She'd hope so given that they were talking. That they were being honest with each other. Even if it was strange, needing to think about so much with him.]
It is... Though a puca did try and dig it back up again.
[ something about another monster daring to uplift something that was his (used to be his, still somewhat his), on protected fae property has eren's lips stiffening and his ears wiggling, flicking up and down. ah, was that— a twitchy frown? he's trying to swallow it back with words. poor tater also tries his best. ]
Not much. Only that Dragons and Fae have a long history together.
[It's fine, it's fine. Just a cute little bun boy who'd poked his head out of the hole he'd tried to dig. If it hadn't been for her crop vanishing at the same time the puca might have gotten away with it.]
...That doesn't make it sound like you know now. Is it really that bad? [If he was frowning about it? Well maybe. If he wanted to see her and was drawn to her smell, because of this history.] Are you talking about how they live for a long time?
[ he canāt just confess that heās salty about a puca in his (not his) hole! he skips over the first question. ]
Thatās part of it. CreiĆ” said it depends on the dragon. [ for example . . . ] She didnāt like them, but she said her brother did. What it involved . . . She didnāt say.
...She didn't like fae? [You know what. If that was the case, Mikasa was going to consider her meeting with the dragon pretty good all if she didn't like fae. That, and to be honest from what Mikasa had gathered. The older fae were assholes so it was valid.
Enough to get a little scoff.] That seems normal. I spoke with one of the local fae... He said that both humans and monsters killed more fae than the Cywd. [Had she told Eren that before? She remembered speaking with him about an old fae he knew, but she'd been off her face for most of that week.] That they were too dangerous. [She, herself had felt dangerous. Not for long, but for those short lapses where a spark of an idea hit her and she got lost in her own momentum.]
[ so mikasa was in the clear. there's something about that, hah, that seems all too familiar, no? so monstrous and so dangerous that they're set to either a life in hiding or just constant subjugation. as for how much they'll change? eren's been here a year. they'll never be born a monster, but. they'll certainly get comfortable. ]
. . . This world isn't so different from the others after all.
[She hums. That wasn't much of a comfort, given the True Fae's response to seeing her was to ask whose kid they were. That was how close the True Fae and current fae were, that one could be mistaken for the child of another. Even if every fae she'd spoken to had been sure the True Fae had all been killed hundreds of years ago.
That hum ends with a sigh at it not being that different. Once again she pauses, shuffling on her crutches to collect her thoughts while Tater let out a whine.]
...Some of the older houses have iron in the door handles. [The smallest of huffs. Really. That little bit of iron, so easily gotten around with gloves or an enchantment like the earrings she was commissioning. It said a lot that it was there to begin with.
But the dog gave another whine, tugging his leash towards a...Oh, her antenna gave a flicker. A cafe.]
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Early in Oct? Probably going to be a bit slow
Can you go to the farm with me? I need fertilizer but can't carry it.
[She could get it delivered but...]
mfw ššš
Never thought Iād hear that. Where are you?
šļøš šļø
The cottage.
[... It said a lot really. That she'd called the cottage that at first. ]
Seemed like a wasted journey if I wasn't sure if I could get back.
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Iāll be there in a few minutes.
[ twenty, perhaps, from the brink of the bright wall to the cottage district. ]
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That little snoot winkles at the dragon's approach, but the puppy does nothing. Taking his cue from Mikasa to stay with her.
There was a reason she was bringing Tater along, multiple reasons. One he needed exercise. Her numerous injuries had meant he'd not been able to go as far as he normally would. Two, he'd be a useful distraction if things got too awkward. Mikasa shuffled on her crutches, she wasn't doing so great. Her leg was better than it had been, not that she was going to push it for once. Eren might know it from his own scales, but her chitin had clouded over, getting ready to shed. It itched and it sucked. She was going to do things anyWAY-
Eren got a small nod in greeting. And...She's thinking. They'd really been left at an awkward spot hadn't they? Or she had.
But never the less she moves on, or attempts to. Shrugging towards the house where Eren might hear or smell the chickens in the back garden. ]
It's just me now. [There was a horrible irony to it. That she'd be stuck with a bum leg while the people closest vanished. Granted she'd still probably do a better job of hefting things than Howl or Trucy.] Thanks...
[She'd mentioned being surprised he'd actually agreed, but he was the one who'd said he wanted to be a part of things again. Wasn't he?]
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erenās eyes speak for him, mostly, when she does. alone? perhaps not so alone with tater, but everyone had gone. the thanks earns a soft gruntā and a turn of his head to the side as they began to eventually walk. ]
Heās growing fast.
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Eren's comment though. That gets a pause, as she looked down at the pup. Gives him a squint. Then still squinting she looked back at Eren silently. She doesn't speak until she's moving again.]
Hardly. That's all he's grown in the months I've had him... [She gave a small noise, almost a snort of a laugh.] Or are you saying he's fat like Jean did?
[The audacity at calling her walking poofball fat. He was just fluffy and made for being loved. And thus, his little tail started wagging as they walked along. He was enjoying himself. Until the dog noticed the awkward air, how Mikasa's silence was different to normal, then he'd give a little grumbly noise at the dragon.
Tater didn't understand. But this guy had made Mika sad before, but she'd come to him so he was ???
Mikasa herself wasn't doing much better. In the dream...She hadn't exactly been ready to talk. But she'd been worn down to say what was probably one of the last things that had been left unsaid. She didn't think she'd ever be 100% ready and comftable saying it, the last time she'd tried...That had been when they'd been about to die, hadn't it? Where she'd thought she wouldn't live long enough to suffer a bitter sting if her feelings had changed things.
But now? Now there was a tired sigh. It didn't matter, did it? Not now. She still didn't look up at the dragon though. She focused on where she was walking. But she did pipe up, while they were still in the quiet part of town.]
...Did you really not know? [Even though Connie and Sasha had picked up enough to joke around. Armin had always known, giving little nudges. Even Levi... Even after her flopped confession as she'd tried to lean in.]
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he doesn't, for the most part. eren too, keeps his pale gaze forward and as awkwardly ahead as she did. it's until she began to speak again that made eren seem all the more still in soun. one could take a gander that he wasn't breathing, all to assimilate more that just the clicks of his foot talons against each other and the ground as they trekked. ]
You said we were family.
[ and that was all, wasn't it? eren's voice is uncharacteristically stiff. when he'd tried to imagine anything more than that, it felt as if . . . it was something so out of reach, so unbelievable that he's come to believe the qualm that was born from his own self assurance in the eyes of social capability. ]
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I was talking about before. They'd known since before we were even in the scouts... [It had been so many years. So many small attempts at showing affection and care only to be rebuffed. The closest she'd... Well no. During her first confession. The moment when they had been about to die. Eren had literally gotten up before she'd finished and walked off. The second time. The one where she'd been so sure she was about to die and was ready to say it and had leant in.
He'd moved away again. Made that promise. Then never spoke of it again.
And then they'd fallen into that comfortable silence. She hovered less, he let her in his space more. Enough to not bat her away when she tried to swaddle him in a cloak. But with that comfort, another feeling had welled up in her. While Eren hadn't acknowledged what she'd said, he hadn't pushed her back like he had before. She'd gotten comfortable with that, didn't want to change things and risk losing that.]
I said that... [When he'd asked that confusing question out of nowhere and he'd been stood so close, focused on her. And she'd panicked. What if she's confessed. Would that have changed how things had turned out? No. He'd already said that. That it was too late to change the outcome.
From the moment Eren had walked out of that courtroom, it had been too late.]
Didn't you work out a few months ago? That it was more than that? [It had only been a few months ago. When she'd realised that one of the first times she'd gotten close to someone, and it had been the person she'd been trying to deal with losing.
Which makes her pause. Tater giving a little yip as his leash pulled taut. While Mikasa remembers his drunken confession, his admission later that it hadn't been a lie.]
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Why would anyone feel that for me? Why would you?
[ it must be misplaced physical attraction. it must be a maternal need to care. heād gone so far to lie about blood making her a slave to him. it had to be anything but what he thought and at the same time couldnāt bring himself to think for long that it was; eren keeps walking, slow and at the same time distant in his voice. quiet so theyāre the only ones to hear, with his expression downcast. ]
You were always stronger. All Iād do was get into trouble. [ while brief, it does bring back the comment he had given on top of the bright wall: Iām not worth it. ] It doesnāt . . . Make sense to me. No matter how hard I think on it.
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He really liked to ask difficult questions, didn't he?
Questions that brought their own problems. She didn't have an exact answer. Or, she didn't think he'd accept the answer she did have. That he was home, that he'd given her some form of hope when she'd given up. That even if the world was cruel and merciless, it wasn't all bad. But... She didn't know how to say it.
He was already convinced that it was because he'd saved her. That wasn't it, it'd been the moment he'd wrapped that scarf around her. Given her a home when she thought she had nothing. No one. Then he'd grabbed her along, let her into his space with Carla and Grisha. The warmth of a family that she never thought she'd get to experience again after Mother and Father had been killed. Depending on how one looked at it, that could be seen as him saving her.
Could she think of the words that would make it clear that no. While the events were close, connected, her reason was different.
Her head tilted. Looking at his shoulder and wing as they walked along. Too short to really see his face for long and move at the same time. Taking a breath before speaking.]
...Does those things have to make sense? Does that mean there's a reason for you, how you feel?
[When he'd said he felt like more than a friend. She was actually curious. If there had to be a reason and it had to make sense, then what was his reason?]
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does that mean you have a reason for how you feel?
she's got him now. if anything, he can't muster up a single counter act to protect himself, because it's something he's always said, ironically enough to come back and bite his ass: do you really need a reason to feel the way you do? it defeats the purpose of feelings at all, they weren't math equations where the answer was always absolute. he didn't have a reason for what he said, other than— it was true and that was it. but the way he looks at mikasa now is as if something in him has been hit, is breaking apart, and shattering at his feet in so many tiny pieces that trying to pick them back up would just be a waste of time.
the looks she sees on his face is rare and uncharacteristic compared to the more recent years he's spent, or not, with them, but it's a look that brings back something that felt ancient and lost: the open vulnerability of eren jaeger, raw and true to see like an open book he failed to burn.
his jaw stiffens, his neck strains, and his eyes . . . look more alive than he's ever been the last five years. what was that in there, in his thin, reptilian pupils, in the most subtle press of his brows in an attempt to hide what was pouring?
it was fear of some sort. ]
Do, [ it was dry, and very delayed. how long would he run? ] you believe me?
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For a moment, she takes the lull to give Tater a glance. Make sure he's keeping up, not getting tangled in her crutches. He's fine. Then she felt his eyes on her and she stills, staring back. His eyes making her gasp.
Her eyes were unreadable. Almost completely black, only a small flicker passing through her compound eyes for a second. Then they crease. That slight movement of the lower lid like at that table, then she blinks. Did she belive him? After all the lies...hadn't he'd said that he'd talk. And yet...
Was he still hiding?
It made the provobibabal hackles raise, or in her case. The second spiny set of arms lifted a little, making themselves visable as they poked out above her shoulders. Her eyebrows knitting together when she finally opens her eyes to frown up at him.]
... Why would I have invited you to talk if I didn't? [Firm words. She sounded a lot more steady then she felt and she blinks again, clearing her vision before it has chance to fog up again.]
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[ the hit is pulled in and eren flees from showing moreā a redundant thing since heās already shown too much, and with that: he surrenders. his shoulders are somehow still tense but they sag anyway. ]
You have every reason not to, and, [ he thought that maybe, he was just making sure. having certainty that he, they could proceed. but perhaps heās frightened to proceed in the first place. he breathes in, holds, and finally speaks again. ] I donāt want to hurt you again.
[ he never didā but he truly felt like he had to. and just his words, but . . . everything, if they moved forward with this knowledge, together. ]
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I have every reason not to, and yet I have. [She's invited him to talk, to spend time with her. Even if it was just helping and lugging things around...] You're stalling again... [Was that a casual observation, or a tired one? Even she wasn't sure.
She hated it, that it was all so complicated. Things were so much easier all those years ago. He didn't want to hurt her, so he didn't speak, but that silence hurt too. She let out another breath, slowing again. More of a sigh than a huff this time.]
...You said you wanted to be a part of my life here, didn't you? [Queit. Quiet but steady.] What's your life like here?
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maybe this was the start. would he take it or leave it, after saying heād . . . want something different? no other chance would present itself the same way.
erenās silence is short lived, this time. or, at least, it ends before it could get any more quiet and stilted. if mikasa was moving ahead, then how long would it take for eren to accept that? hell, accept himself. ]
Almost, [ a huff, but was it close to a laugh? an ironic one? ] boring.
[ but heād occupy himselfā with odd jobs he wouldnāt even keep the pay for, it all went to the children. ]
Iām at the orphanage more and, [ he rolls his shoulders, ] work, whenever I can. If itās not work, then . . . Instinct, now.
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But would he really be a part of her life? She didn't think that counted. More like a friendly stranger.
Even if it was awkward. They had to find a way around that, hovering around and ignoring it wouldn't do anything. His response gets snort.] Yeah... This place is like that. [Spoken as though she was the one who'd been here longer. Because she had been so restless with so much time.]
...Is that really it? [Eren...Even she had more hobbies than that.] Is that why you dug a hole to my garden?
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That was on full moons . . . [ heās recalling the times that he could actually remember with clarity for that. ] I dug a lot during that. Half because of your smell and half because I still wanted to see you.
[ but he shrugs there and kicks a stray pebble in their way. ]
I didnāt know what was happening to me. [ . . . and for good measure: ] Itās covered up, now.
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Though she did have to pause for a moment. Tater had decided that he was going to try and dart out and catch the pebble yipping at it. Failing to reach it. Returning...With a leaf that gets spat out near the dragons foot... Right.]
Do you know what's happening now? [She'd hope so given that they were talking. That they were being honest with each other. Even if it was strange, needing to think about so much with him.]
It is... Though a puca did try and dig it back up again.
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Not much. Only that Dragons and Fae have a long history together.
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...That doesn't make it sound like you know now. Is it really that bad? [If he was frowning about it? Well maybe. If he wanted to see her and was drawn to her smell, because of this history.] Are you talking about how they live for a long time?
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Thatās part of it. CreiĆ” said it depends on the dragon. [ for example . . . ] She didnāt like them, but she said her brother did. What it involved . . . She didnāt say.
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Enough to get a little scoff.] That seems normal. I spoke with one of the local fae... He said that both humans and monsters killed more fae than the Cywd. [Had she told Eren that before? She remembered speaking with him about an old fae he knew, but she'd been off her face for most of that week.] That they were too dangerous. [She, herself had felt dangerous. Not for long, but for those short lapses where a spark of an idea hit her and she got lost in her own momentum.]
...I wonder how much more will change.
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[ so mikasa was in the clear. there's something about that, hah, that seems all too familiar, no? so monstrous and so dangerous that they're set to either a life in hiding or just constant subjugation. as for how much they'll change? eren's been here a year. they'll never be born a monster, but. they'll certainly get comfortable. ]
. . . This world isn't so different from the others after all.
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That hum ends with a sigh at it not being that different. Once again she pauses, shuffling on her crutches to collect her thoughts while Tater let out a whine.]
...Some of the older houses have iron in the door handles. [The smallest of huffs. Really. That little bit of iron, so easily gotten around with gloves or an enchantment like the earrings she was commissioning. It said a lot that it was there to begin with.
But the dog gave another whine, tugging his leash towards a...Oh, her antenna gave a flicker. A cafe.]
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