[ Was it possible to be this happy, and giddy? Like he's vibrating inside. He's never had this, he's never had this with anyone and neither did he want to in the past— it was exciting and a little scary all at once. He was so freaked out by the notion of like that he was willing to hop over a moment like this: something so small, but so vast at the same time. He couldn't even feel his face anymore.
And holding his hand, for how simple it was, felt like something so huge. It made him glow. ]
[ Laying back and adjusting his hold, his fingers cover Elliot's, scooting over just a little closer. Not too close, but just enough to be comfortable, and at least try to make up for all that time lost. With baby steps, because this was all new (and intimidating), and Eren did have shyness somewhere in there. He nods, and with a few strips of advice he's picked up here and there, he asks quietly: ]
Does that mean we can call this a date?
[ Date, going out, boyfriend, girlfriend— it was all the same to him until now, but he's hoping to do it differently. ]
[He'll lie back as well, letting one hand fall away from the hold to use as a makeshift pillow under his head, while the other that was covered by Eren's hand still held on. He's completely fine with Eren scooting closer to him, from the looks of it. His thumb moves to affectionately stroke the skin on Eren's hand that it can reach.
The question makes him feel another burst of happiness in his chest. A date, he's on a date with Eren. It takes him a second to realize that Eren's probably not asking rhetorically. Elliot was very well aware just how much dating experience Eren had.]
Oh, um- Haha, we can? Some people say otherwise, but there's no real rules about what a date is and isn't. Just as long as you spend time together and agree it's a date.
[At least, that's what Elliot understood it as. Unlike Eren, he had slightly more experience with this part. He's been on a few dates, kissed a few guys. But nothing serious or ever got past the first couple dates though. His family, his devotion to music - those usually made it not worth the trouble to pursue anything more than that. How could you have a boyfriend when you weren't even out to the family you lived with?
Things were different now though. He wasn't with his aunt and uncle anymore, they were in whole other city. Carlos knew he was gay, and only cared about him being happy. Aside from the occasional call home and family holiday visit, he didn't have to abide by anyone's standards day to day.
And even if he did? Eren was worth the trouble. That much he knew. He'll give a very gentle squeeze of Eren's hand.]
[ That sure is affection he's doubly not used to just as much as he's not used to returning it, and it fills him up with uncountable flutters. Not that he wants to pull away, far from that! Especially when Elliot calls it a date, himself. It's just giving him something a little overwhelming, like that gut feeling you have when you go down that first rollercoaster drop. Repeatedly.
He saw through his greenhorn then, huh. Obviously, he's known ever since the first date fiasco. Eren considers with his mouth closed, considers everything he's heard people say to him during this dilema. He may not speak the language very well, and it may be awkward, but— he was just, eh, weird that way. He never liked walking to most drum strikes anyway, and if there was one thing that this all taught him, it was to just do him from start to finish.
There hasn't been a moment where he's stopped smiling, though. A little more subtle, but as vibrant as the moon was, content with just feeling fingers and holding them. ]
Whatever we call it, [ His lip lifts a little, as if to say screw the rules, ] I just hope we can keep doing it.
Of course we can. [He says to reassure him, to reassure himself. He turns his own head to the side so he can see Eren. Through the dim moonlight, he could see the smile on Eren's face. It was easy to understand, why so many people wrote of the romantic beauty of the moonlight now. It gave just enough light to let Elliot see Eren, but it was still dim enough to make it feel like the world was just the two of them at this moment.
He didn't mind that Eren was a greenhorn, or that things would be taken slow. He was fine with slow himself. As long as he could be with Eren, that would be enough.]
[ He's said that— countless times when Elliot's needed him, probably, or whenever Eren felt it necessary. There's a pause now, silence that didn't really feel awkward at all when his gaze goes from sky to Elliot, Elliot to sky. Still warm enough to get him through any winter, he felt.
There is . . . One thing he wants to say, though. ]
Listen . . . I'm sorry. For acting weird this whole time. [ Because it's now bloody apparent that some things he did, like that conversation before, and avoiding him— He was an asshat. ] You had nothing to do with it.
[ It was just— him. His problems and his confusion, but with himself. It was more an internal identification glitch than anything, but somehow it felt like something so stupid to worry about. ]
Haha, it's okay. [He'll say in a reassuring tone - one he's used many times before on Eren.]
I get it now. You were trying to work out your own feelings, but you were worried about ruining our friendship because of those feelings, right? [Elliot could relate.]
[ Stop . . . Stop reading his mind . . . ! ! ! Or for the better, please continue. Elliot's summed it up much better than we would've anyway. Looking slightly abashed, his shoulders rising to hide his neck and lower his head. Even with that, he's with someone that understands him. Or, understands the deal. ]
K-Kinda. [He has known Eren for years. For the most part, he understood how he ticked] But it's more I felt the same. I know I got pretty weird there too...
[He scratches the back of his head with the hand underneath it] That's probably why I agreed to that date with Franklin in the first place. I mean, I really did want to see Rent, but... [...] I thought maybe if I dated other people, I'd get over you and then I wouldn't do anything to ruin our friendship.
Haha, guess that plan backfired in a big way, huh?
The fact that they were both thinking so similarly has Eren a little baffled, if not even more stupid to have not done something sooner. Realized, even, Elliot's own subtle hints that flew over his head. Sure, he needed to work out his own things out, like understanding a little bit more of what was going on (he hadn't identified as gay, but hell if he's going to lose neurons thinking about that again). ]
For us both. [ After a moment, he gives a tiny squeeze, as if to get his attention. ] How long've you—?
[ How long were they both stupid so that they can laugh at this, forever. ]
He seems to hesitate at the question, even blushing a little, just thinking about it. But there was no point in denying it, really. Tonight's events had swept away the last of the big secrets he kept from Eren. ]
Ahaha..a-awhile? I think the last time you visited New York was when I realized...
[Realized, at least. How long he had actually had feelings for Eren? He wasn't sure himself. Maybe it had been during that visit to New York, or maybe it had been since the first day they met. Some composer he was, unable to pinpoint the exact moment his heart fell for another]
...Y-you?
[IF I HAVE TO CONFESSTO THIS EMBARRASSMENT, YOU DO TOO]
[ Honesty from here on out was the best policy!! That and, he might even be paving the road to be honest from the start. No hiding anything, for as odd as it may seem. Jasmine was right about people that truly care would either understand or make a genuine effort to. He knows the type of person Elliot is, or else— he wouldn't even be holding his hand right now. ]
I . . . [ He's on the same boat as Elliot, in fact. He's not pausing because he's embarrassed, as much as they're both sharing that red shade, but to actually put it as clear as possible. When did he? ] I've cared more about you since we met, but.
[ It's like he had mentioned to another, when seeking aid— He knew him for years, he adored him. He was the guy who'd go out of his way to want to genuinely interact with Eren. ]
I never liked anyone before. [ At least, not like this. He probably thought he was just super fond of him— he wasn't even into dating, or guys. ] I started realizing how much when you moved here.
[ He was within reach, he could see him everyday if he wanted, and he found himself wanting to constantly. ]
[Elliot shuts his eyes for a moment, with a clear smile on his face, as if he's trying to visualize Eren's answer for a moment. ]
Heehee, what a pair we make, huh? [He sounds both so happy and amused at that. Both of them had feelings for some time before realizing, and both took their times to do something about it once they did.
But yet here they were now, talking things out and being together. It had taken years and miles to get here, but they were here, by some chance. It almost felt like destiny to Elliot. Which was a comforting thought for Elliot, but with how much Eren valued his own freedom and autonomy...he decided not to voice it. It wasn't needed.
Instead he'll open his eyes up again and look at him. ]
I get it. Back when we mostly just chatting online, it was really easy to pretend I was overthinking it, you know? Or that I was just imagining having feelings. But...when you came to help me move in your uniform...
Well, I really did mean that bodyguard remark. I-it was hard not to check you out.
[ Oh, oh boy, what. Him, check him out? He may not find the appeal, but he knows what it means. The frank version: you looked really cool and attractive. Remember that day, when Eren's ears turned into two ripe tomatos, and he didn't know where to put his sheepish face? Eren, no self preservation and always ready to swing fists, mistakingly angry, takes things more serious than he should, now here, smiling and fidgeting like some— he didn't even know.
Here come the blunder of words that aren't really coherent enough to be words under his breath. He's embarrassed! The good kind of embarrassed, he's flattered. He was really cool and dashing in that uniform.
He attempts to say something, but it just comes out as strange babble. He's trying to English, and ironically— if it weren't Elliot he'd just shrug it off. Uh, okay. Not interested. It actually being someone of interest changes everything. Was he attracted to him as well? Of course, how many times was he caught simply staring at him? Differently, but still staring. This is rather funny to watch. A broke record Eren. ]
I— didn't think anyone would, so when you said that— [ Overthinking so much that he denied any underlying meanings in that statement the first time. Like— Elliot? Liking and being attracted to someone like him? ] I thought I was being crazy.
[ Especially when he never really cared about it! And hey, since they're talking about this . . . ]
[That was...some reaction. There was babbling, near incoherent statements, blundering. Elliot can't help it, he starts laughing. Not one of his short little laughs that tend to be flags for his emotions, it's a laugh that comes up from his stomach and lasts a good length of time, making him unable to speak for a bit.
Like most of Elliot's laughs, there's no malice or mockery mixed into it. It's still loving and affectionate. He wasn't laughing at Eren - honestly it was hard to pinpoint the exact reason he was laughing. Maybe it was all the high running emotions finally letting themselves out, or just how stupid they both seemed now that they were being open with one another, or just seeing Eren Jaeger of all people squirm so much over something he said. Or maybe it was even his own sudden embarrassment at the thought that Eren had been looking at him too pushed his nerves over the edge. Whatever it was, the entire situation just seemed so...funny.]
S-Sorry. [He tries to apologize in between breaths and laughing sounds.] Y-You weren't [ha] crazy.
[ At least his laugh gets him to loosen up rather than tense further! It's a happy, enjoyable chortle that has Eren giving a slight haha along with it. He doesn't go the extra mile to laugh that hard at himself, but it's all in good humor.
He's visibly happy, beaming even, and Eren's wow'd that he could cause a bit of that. Elliot's done the same after all, just look at him. He could stay here all night if he could, just sit here and count the stars, or just make each other laugh like that— it's been a while since he's laughed.
He wishes he can stay longer, but a look at the moon has him giving a sigh, the light hold on Elliot's hand earning a squeeze. In a matter of seconds, his phone begins to vibrate in his pocket, and he hangs his head as he sits up. That's his curfew alarm, to a rockin' version of the Air Force melody. ]
Gotta go.
[ The first time in probably ever: the look in Eren's eyes to go back to the Fort isn't an excited one. He's—disappointed. At least there's only one week left until freedom to roam. He'll only have to go to class and train in the mornings at much more flexible hours, like any college student. ]
[Hearing Eren's phone brings Elliot back down to reality again, his laughter finally tempering off. He uses his hand to wipe the tears in his eyes made from all the laughter. He knows he heard Eren laughing too, which is alone to make him happy. Eren doesn't laugh nearly as easily as he does. ]
Oh...that late already?
[Eren's look of disappointment is matched by Elliot's own. It's hard not to feel disappointment. No one would want to leave a moment this wonderful. There's a quick thought in his head that tells him to encourage Eren to ignore the alarm. To stay out here a little longer. By the look in Eren's eyes, it probably wouldn't be a hard sell at all.
But even if that's tempting...Elliot dismisses the thought. He didn't want to get Eren in trouble. Not when he was so close to achieving his dream. So he'll blink away his own disappointed look, and offer Eren a small, empathetic but understanding smile. His free hand will reach over and very lightly touch Eren's shoulder.]
You can do it. I'll wait. It's just one more week.
[ It's actually quite early going by normal hours— but he still had to leave his car elsewhere, bound up to the fort by foot and help organize the dorms and clean himself up before its lights out. It wouldn't be difficult to sell at all, what would five extra minutes do?
But if he didn't have the discipline here, he wouldn't have it anywhere. He knows it's important, and when Elliot's hand is on his shoulder— he couldn't be happier with the understanding, warmth bubbling in his smile. ]
. . . Promise I'll make up for it. [ He just wants to— spend time with him, now. Spend time and talk and just be around him. Make up for all that time he lost. ] And— there's a surprise coming up.
[Ah, just seeing Eren's warm smile made it all the worth it. In some ways, this still almost felt like a dream. Like he was going to wake up in a moment because he drifted off while studying. But that hand holding onto him, the feeling of the fabric on Eren's shoulder- it reminded him very much that this is happening]
Heehee, I'll hold you to it. [He's not really serious about that. Eren didn't have to make up for anything, as far as he was concerned. But good luck convincing Eren that.
[ His whole flight agreed to present only at the ceremony— so no sneak peaks. While a group thing, each one would have something unique to it to represent each wingman. And honestly, he's always wanted to do something like it.
It is a mystery, but putting his free hand against his shoulder, he loosens the hold he had on Elliot's hand to roll his dominant shoulder blade. ]
[ Sliding off the car hood to Elliot's side, he'll push himself back into his feet to get the door for him. At least, that's what it looks like. He's standing in front of the door so you can't get in. Of course, he'd rather be inviting him to another extra few hours of stargazing, but . . . Here's the next best thing. ]
Ready for part two?
[ The road's pretty clear from here to that straight . . . . ]
[ You heard right! Part two. With a nod, and cocking his head for Elliot to get into the opposite side (that's certainly the driver's side) Eren clicks the door open and— plops right into the passenger seat.
[Wait what is he doing why is he sitting in his spot-
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No way.
He jumps a little, his face in total shock as his hand goes to his chest. He doesn't move yet, but instead tries to talk to Eren before he shuts the door]
Wait! You're gonna let me drive?!
[Elliot knew how to drive. He didn't own a car because of expenses, but he had a license. But still, this was Eren's baby]
[ And the time has come for Elliot to give it a go— seal the night with something that made them look more than forward to the next meet up. Regardless, Eren was already looking forward to it. He might have shut the door, but he immediately lowers down the window for Elliot, especially to hold a fist out to him. ]
That's the plan.
[ Lies, there was no plan— he just felt it'd be a cool thing to do. And from his fist falls into the other's hand: the keys. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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And holding his hand, for how simple it was, felt like something so huge. It made him glow. ]
It's— [ He'll admit it, ] scary, I don't blame you.
[ Laying back and adjusting his hold, his fingers cover Elliot's, scooting over just a little closer. Not too close, but just enough to be comfortable, and at least try to make up for all that time lost. With baby steps, because this was all new (and intimidating), and Eren did have shyness somewhere in there. He nods, and with a few strips of advice he's picked up here and there, he asks quietly: ]
Does that mean we can call this a date?
[ Date, going out, boyfriend, girlfriend— it was all the same to him until now, but he's hoping to do it differently. ]
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The question makes him feel another burst of happiness in his chest. A date, he's on a date with Eren. It takes him a second to realize that Eren's probably not asking rhetorically. Elliot was very well aware just how much dating experience Eren had.]
Oh, um- Haha, we can? Some people say otherwise, but there's no real rules about what a date is and isn't. Just as long as you spend time together and agree it's a date.
[At least, that's what Elliot understood it as. Unlike Eren, he had slightly more experience with this part. He's been on a few dates, kissed a few guys. But nothing serious or ever got past the first couple dates though. His family, his devotion to music - those usually made it not worth the trouble to pursue anything more than that. How could you have a boyfriend when you weren't even out to the family you lived with?
Things were different now though. He wasn't with his aunt and uncle anymore, they were in whole other city. Carlos knew he was gay, and only cared about him being happy. Aside from the occasional call home and family holiday visit, he didn't have to abide by anyone's standards day to day.
And even if he did? Eren was worth the trouble. That much he knew. He'll give a very gentle squeeze of Eren's hand.]
I'd...call it one, myself.
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He saw through his greenhorn then, huh. Obviously, he's known ever since the first date fiasco. Eren considers with his mouth closed, considers everything he's heard people say to him during this dilema. He may not speak the language very well, and it may be awkward, but— he was just, eh, weird that way. He never liked walking to most drum strikes anyway, and if there was one thing that this all taught him, it was to just do him from start to finish.
There hasn't been a moment where he's stopped smiling, though. A little more subtle, but as vibrant as the moon was, content with just feeling fingers and holding them. ]
Whatever we call it, [ His lip lifts a little, as if to say screw the rules, ] I just hope we can keep doing it.
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He didn't mind that Eren was a greenhorn, or that things would be taken slow. He was fine with slow himself. As long as he could be with Eren, that would be enough.]
I'm not going anywhere.
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[ He's said that— countless times when Elliot's needed him, probably, or whenever Eren felt it necessary. There's a pause now, silence that didn't really feel awkward at all when his gaze goes from sky to Elliot, Elliot to sky. Still warm enough to get him through any winter, he felt.
There is . . . One thing he wants to say, though. ]
Listen . . . I'm sorry. For acting weird this whole time. [ Because it's now bloody apparent that some things he did, like that conversation before, and avoiding him— He was an asshat. ] You had nothing to do with it.
[ It was just— him. His problems and his confusion, but with himself. It was more an internal identification glitch than anything, but somehow it felt like something so stupid to worry about. ]
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I get it now. You were trying to work out your own feelings, but you were worried about ruining our friendship because of those feelings, right? [Elliot could relate.]
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Y—yeah. [ Oh well. ] Am I that predictable?
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K-Kinda. [He has known Eren for years. For the most part, he understood how he ticked] But it's more I felt the same. I know I got pretty weird there too...
[He scratches the back of his head with the hand underneath it] That's probably why I agreed to that date with Franklin in the first place. I mean, I really did want to see Rent, but... [...] I thought maybe if I dated other people, I'd get over you and then I wouldn't do anything to ruin our friendship.
Haha, guess that plan backfired in a big way, huh?
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The fact that they were both thinking so similarly has Eren a little baffled, if not even more stupid to have not done something sooner. Realized, even, Elliot's own subtle hints that flew over his head. Sure, he needed to work out his own things out, like understanding a little bit more of what was going on (he hadn't identified as gay, but hell if he's going to lose neurons thinking about that again). ]
For us both. [ After a moment, he gives a tiny squeeze, as if to get his attention. ] How long've you—?
[ How long were they both stupid so that they can laugh at this, forever. ]
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He seems to hesitate at the question, even blushing a little, just thinking about it. But there was no point in denying it, really. Tonight's events had swept away the last of the big secrets he kept from Eren. ]
Ahaha..a-awhile? I think the last time you visited New York was when I realized...
[Realized, at least. How long he had actually had feelings for Eren? He wasn't sure himself. Maybe it had been during that visit to New York, or maybe it had been since the first day they met. Some composer he was, unable to pinpoint the exact moment his heart fell for another]
...Y-you?
[IF I HAVE TO CONFESSTO THIS EMBARRASSMENT, YOU DO TOO]
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I . . . [ He's on the same boat as Elliot, in fact. He's not pausing because he's embarrassed, as much as they're both sharing that red shade, but to actually put it as clear as possible. When did he? ] I've cared more about you since we met, but.
[ It's like he had mentioned to another, when seeking aid— He knew him for years, he adored him. He was the guy who'd go out of his way to want to genuinely interact with Eren. ]
I never liked anyone before. [ At least, not like this. He probably thought he was just super fond of him— he wasn't even into dating, or guys. ] I started realizing how much when you moved here.
[ He was within reach, he could see him everyday if he wanted, and he found himself wanting to constantly. ]
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Heehee, what a pair we make, huh? [He sounds both so happy and amused at that. Both of them had feelings for some time before realizing, and both took their times to do something about it once they did.
But yet here they were now, talking things out and being together. It had taken years and miles to get here, but they were here, by some chance. It almost felt like destiny to Elliot. Which was a comforting thought for Elliot, but with how much Eren valued his own freedom and autonomy...he decided not to voice it. It wasn't needed.
Instead he'll open his eyes up again and look at him. ]
I get it. Back when we mostly just chatting online, it was really easy to pretend I was overthinking it, you know? Or that I was just imagining having feelings. But...when you came to help me move in your uniform...
Well, I really did mean that bodyguard remark. I-it was hard not to check you out.
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Here come the blunder of words that aren't really coherent enough to be words under his breath. He's embarrassed! The good kind of embarrassed, he's flattered. He was really cool and dashing in that uniform.
He attempts to say something, but it just comes out as strange babble. He's trying to English, and ironically— if it weren't Elliot he'd just shrug it off. Uh, okay. Not interested. It actually being someone of interest changes everything. Was he attracted to him as well? Of course, how many times was he caught simply staring at him? Differently, but still staring. This is rather funny to watch. A broke record Eren. ]
I— didn't think anyone would, so when you said that— [ Overthinking so much that he denied any underlying meanings in that statement the first time. Like— Elliot? Liking and being attracted to someone like him? ] I thought I was being crazy.
[ Especially when he never really cared about it! And hey, since they're talking about this . . . ]
But I still kept looking at you a lot.
[ good ]
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Like most of Elliot's laughs, there's no malice or mockery mixed into it. It's still loving and affectionate. He wasn't laughing at Eren - honestly it was hard to pinpoint the exact reason he was laughing. Maybe it was all the high running emotions finally letting themselves out, or just how stupid they both seemed now that they were being open with one another, or just seeing Eren Jaeger of all people squirm so much over something he said. Or maybe it was even his own sudden embarrassment at the thought that Eren had been looking at him too pushed his nerves over the edge. Whatever it was, the entire situation just seemed so...funny.]
S-Sorry. [He tries to apologize in between breaths and laughing sounds.] Y-You weren't [ha] crazy.
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He's visibly happy, beaming even, and Eren's wow'd that he could cause a bit of that. Elliot's done the same after all, just look at him. He could stay here all night if he could, just sit here and count the stars, or just make each other laugh like that— it's been a while since he's laughed.
He wishes he can stay longer, but a look at the moon has him giving a sigh, the light hold on Elliot's hand earning a squeeze. In a matter of seconds, his phone begins to vibrate in his pocket, and he hangs his head as he sits up. That's his curfew alarm, to a rockin' version of the Air Force melody. ]
Gotta go.
[ The first time in probably ever: the look in Eren's eyes to go back to the Fort isn't an excited one. He's—disappointed. At least there's only one week left until freedom to roam. He'll only have to go to class and train in the mornings at much more flexible hours, like any college student. ]
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Oh...that late already?
[Eren's look of disappointment is matched by Elliot's own. It's hard not to feel disappointment. No one would want to leave a moment this wonderful. There's a quick thought in his head that tells him to encourage Eren to ignore the alarm. To stay out here a little longer. By the look in Eren's eyes, it probably wouldn't be a hard sell at all.
But even if that's tempting...Elliot dismisses the thought. He didn't want to get Eren in trouble. Not when he was so close to achieving his dream. So he'll blink away his own disappointed look, and offer Eren a small, empathetic but understanding smile. His free hand will reach over and very lightly touch Eren's shoulder.]
You can do it. I'll wait. It's just one more week.
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But if he didn't have the discipline here, he wouldn't have it anywhere. He knows it's important, and when Elliot's hand is on his shoulder— he couldn't be happier with the understanding, warmth bubbling in his smile. ]
. . . Promise I'll make up for it. [ He just wants to— spend time with him, now. Spend time and talk and just be around him. Make up for all that time he lost. ] And— there's a surprise coming up.
[ He knew it was going to be hella cool. ]
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Heehee, I'll hold you to it. [He's not really serious about that. Eren didn't have to make up for anything, as far as he was concerned. But good luck convincing Eren that.
The last part perks his interests though]
A surprise? What kind of surprise?
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[ His whole flight agreed to present only at the ceremony— so no sneak peaks. While a group thing, each one would have something unique to it to represent each wingman. And honestly, he's always wanted to do something like it.
It is a mystery, but putting his free hand against his shoulder, he loosens the hold he had on Elliot's hand to roll his dominant shoulder blade. ]
But it's guaranteed to be cool.
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[He'll pull his own hand off Eren's shoulder, still smiling at him.]
I'll look forward to it.
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Ready for part two?
[ The road's pretty clear from here to that straight . . . . ]
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Part two?
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Bye Elliot. ]
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No way.
He jumps a little, his face in total shock as his hand goes to his chest. He doesn't move yet, but instead tries to talk to Eren before he shuts the door]
Wait! You're gonna let me drive?!
[Elliot knew how to drive. He didn't own a car because of expenses, but he had a license. But still, this was Eren's baby]
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That's the plan.
[ Lies, there was no plan— he just felt it'd be a cool thing to do. And from his fist falls into the other's hand: the keys. ]
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