I always thought it was nice to appreciate. [ BUT, WELL ] I don’t think I can. Unless there’s something weak— the first things I ever drank were a ton of Jägerbombs.
[ he looks over the counter . . . hoping he doesn’t just fall over and start drowning in his own tears, but. let’s give it a try. different circumstances, one year away from the actual drinking age and he is a man of responsibilities now. he’s an adult. he can make his own choices!! ]
[ dogs are so good— alas, eren can not let the new guy get rough and tumbly with the other dogs, loping into them and going for their ears, but eren brings his attention up to keep walking at his heel as titan does. you’re still in training, buddy.
a confession . . . hm. eren’s posture maintains upright, his features neutral, if not slightly wider in the eyes with curiosity. he’s listening, looking between her and their path ahead of them. ]
[ oh, james . . . eren lifts his hand to james’ opposite shoulder, gripping and giving a firm shake. he’ll still visit, if anything, for you, but right now eren prefers to say that afterwards and give james his opportunity to speak and be heard. baby steps, james.
although, this is already starting to sound familiar, granted eren has traced back four different sources to his memories. eren jaeger, geisha jaeger, freida reiss and eren krüger. ]
Yeah. The first guy was an American soldier. This other guy, I don't even know his name...but I know he was Russian. Soviet. Everything I remember from him is from the 50s and 60s, years after the first guy died. He was some...spy assassin. He'd get orders from the general to take someone out, and all he'd do was ask "how accidental do you want it to look."
Most of the people he killed were innocent. Civilians. Or at least not actively hurting anyone. Ambassadors. Defectors.
[ He tries to swallow the thick lump in his throat and his voice comes out mealy and miserable. He feels kind of stupid, not being able to talk about this with as much composure as Eren was able to discuss his own memories, but it's the first time he's breathing any of this aloud. James has been trying to keep this hidden away for a while, like maybe if he just ignores it hard enough it won't matter and will go away. But Eren knowing about it now means that it can't--at least one person is going to know this about him and it's going to become a part of him, whether he likes it or not. ]
I locked an entire team of UN peacekeepers in a hotel and set the whole place on fire. One time I pretended to be an American soldier and spent an entire night out drinking with some other Americans, then sabotaged their car to make it look like they got in an accident. None of it...mattered to me. All that mattered was carrying out my orders.
how much of the same boat are they sharing right now? different circumstances and perhaps different intent, but— it doesn’t remove the fact that both were still horrible. had eren never gotten his own memories, he’d probably find some difficulty in understanding this—
but it was difficult. it was, especially when that wasn’t you and you just— had to do it. for a moment, the russian man james speaks of makes eren wander far; there was a reason for their actions, a knowing choice they all made whether for their own gain or a greater one. eren’s eyes fall somewhere once they see james and how transparent he’s being, offering to guide them to sit on a bench.
eren’s talked about this with other people before; his collection comes from many times where he spoke completely broken. where he wept and felt hopeless, felt guilty, to have so many deaths on his back for something that, on the surface, could seem utterly selfish.
there were too many layers to understand at once, especially when they’re given scattered pieces. ]
I want to say it’s in the past, [ like he constantly thinks in the front, but . . . it’s not what he always feels. there’s a pause, for him to swallow too. ] but only someone who’s felt a burden like ours knows what it’s like. [ a shuffle of his arms as he crosses them together against each other. ]
It’s not easy to move forward. Especially when memories are pretty much shadows. [ they’re just always following behind you, wherever you go. ]
[ He nods, relaxing just a little. It's not that he thought Eren would freak out on him about this, but...having actually gotten it out, he does feel like he can breathe a little easier. Not well, but easier. ]
Technically, we didn't do any of those things. And it's not like the people we killed even existed in the first place. Nothing happened, so...it shouldn't matter.
I can certainly help with decor — what sort of colour palette would suit a party for Elliot? I feel aqua tones are quite fitting for him, but I am very open to suggestions.
Somehow I don't doubt it. [There's a grin. The guitar and accessories are paid for and John gestures for Eren to follow him. Their first lesson will be outside today.]
...I want to get better at defense that isn't using my weapons or my powers. What do you know about that?
[ oh john. that is one thing eren isn’t too humble about. he knows there’re better people out there that can totally kick his ass, but. if there’s something he has confidence in, it’s his hand to hand.
he has to stop to look john up and down, though. he’s healthy, active and physically fit, but he’s not buffed out or anything like eren’s crazy german world eight pack. he would go with mma, but there’s a lot of ground game to that. you don’t want ground game in a real fight or flight response. ]
You’re gonna get bruised, but Krav Maga. Anyone with the right fitness can learn. It focuses on avoiding confrontation, but if you have to— you finish it. Fast.
[ eren gestures ]
I can get you started on the basics and we can keep going or not from there. What do you think?
[A shrug.] Bruising's fine, I've been bruised a lot playing soccer and baseball so I doubt it'll be a problem. I've never even heard of Krav Maga though. That sounds just like my speed though. I know how to avoid confrontation by turning into the breeze, but I don't want to keep relying on that. Something grounding to end a fight sounds better.
[ go get him, honey. make this music nerd shine. but eren appreciates the rest— titan got vet visits through fort mccoy. and he wouldn’t be taking two dogs if he didn’t have the cash for it in the first place! ]
I’m needing one, so— I’ll give it a look.
[ kaiser, in the mean time, is plotting their demise. he’s going to get attention soon and does not want it to go away. no, he wants it to chase after him like thirsty beasts. he wants to feel loved like paparazzi behind celebrities . . . ]
[ god what a cute supportive boyfriend, encouraging elliot embrace his inner nerd and spread that nerdness. also yes that's good to be financially prepared for an addition for his family. hearts are warmed, pit bull friend gets a new home and an owner. also i wish koga was onto his schemes but nah, he just assumes he's a good misunderstood boy and that's eren's responsibility, one he takes with gusto. ]
Please, I'd like good pet owners to come by and not just some old ladies preening their feathers with their friends and gossiping. Or the guy with his family's circus who keeps asking me out.
[ koga sounds. so tired with that remark. but unsurprisingly that miai guy and his family is a really good client so mr. secretary deals, he aint the worst. the old ladies who feed their dogs weird trendy food boosted by celebrities. on that note, kaiser wants attention like one, yeah? guess who's coming over to the penned-off area with with a nice treat. koga thinks kaiser should have one final bit of affection from he because you know what, he likes the boy because they're all trying their best. he succeeded today. ]
I want to see it! I mean, both of them sometime. German Shepherds are great dogs! A well-trained one that ain't on the job is a treat.
[ thing comes short when eren’s about to snap the leash onto a brand new collar and onto kaiser, when the pit sees an opening: a little crack in between the lines and moveable kennel. it’s all he needs to blast our of the area like an f5 hurricane, doggy grin so wide you can see the uncontained happiness in it. his tongue flies and slobbers koga’s hand for the treat, and off he goes in a bolting and playful lope. good bye doge, eren got trampled.
[ they need a barrel of ice cream and that’s where eren prefers to take them. they’re getting closer and closer to that ice cream store over there . . . how does eren even function, wearing boots on a day such as this? are boots the only shoes he has? the poor thing.
and for one: akira is a very good story teller. the whole thing has eren almost tripping on a little disleveled bit of sidewalk, too captivated by detail and the atrocities that happened and people would just— selfishly avoid it for their own gain.
it’s an intensely satisfying memory, even eren feels it, although he’s a little lost along the way and could use some clarification. ]
So fighting would happen in another dimension, and there they’d . . . [ he was more likely to ask “how did he eat women in another dimension”, but then it clicks. ] show themselves for who they were.
[ oh god what . . . scary and yelling at him about being responsible. he actually feels touched that he’s left such a mark, and nevertheless smiles some. even if he’s not being an entirely good rollmodel right now, is he? ]
That doesn’t sound too off. [ and, listen, ] Just don’t get used to it.
[ you know what? stop growing on him. during a straight, eren’s hand reaches over to ruffle his hair all rough and tumbly, like some older sibling who’s just about had it with your shenanigans, and yet, enjoys it enough to not be kicking him out of the car instead. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
EVENT POST ✖️ JUNE 2018
✖️ LEVI
I always thought it was nice to appreciate. [ BUT, WELL ] I don’t think I can. Unless there’s something weak— the first things I ever drank were a ton of Jägerbombs.
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[ he's not even going to bring up the name. jfc eren. ]
I think maybe an appletini might be more your speed.
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Any of those here?
[ he looks over the counter . . . hoping he doesn’t just fall over and start drowning in his own tears, but. let’s give it a try. different circumstances, one year away from the actual drinking age and he is a man of responsibilities now. he’s an adult. he can make his own choices!! ]
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[ he probably wouldn't be a very good bartender. ]
✖️ CLOVER
[ dogs are so good— alas, eren can not let the new guy get rough and tumbly with the other dogs, loping into them and going for their ears, but eren brings his attention up to keep walking at his heel as titan does. you’re still in training, buddy.
a confession . . . hm. eren’s posture maintains upright, his features neutral, if not slightly wider in the eyes with curiosity. he’s listening, looking between her and their path ahead of them. ]
I’m all ears.
✖️ JAMES
[ oh, james . . . eren lifts his hand to james’ opposite shoulder, gripping and giving a firm shake. he’ll still visit, if anything, for you, but right now eren prefers to say that afterwards and give james his opportunity to speak and be heard. baby steps, james.
although, this is already starting to sound familiar, granted eren has traced back four different sources to his memories. eren jaeger, geisha jaeger, freida reiss and eren krüger. ]
A completely different person?
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Yeah. The first guy was an American soldier. This other guy, I don't even know his name...but I know he was Russian. Soviet. Everything I remember from him is from the 50s and 60s, years after the first guy died. He was some...spy assassin. He'd get orders from the general to take someone out, and all he'd do was ask "how accidental do you want it to look."
Most of the people he killed were innocent. Civilians. Or at least not actively hurting anyone. Ambassadors. Defectors.
[ He tries to swallow the thick lump in his throat and his voice comes out mealy and miserable. He feels kind of stupid, not being able to talk about this with as much composure as Eren was able to discuss his own memories, but it's the first time he's breathing any of this aloud. James has been trying to keep this hidden away for a while, like maybe if he just ignores it hard enough it won't matter and will go away. But Eren knowing about it now means that it can't--at least one person is going to know this about him and it's going to become a part of him, whether he likes it or not. ]
I locked an entire team of UN peacekeepers in a hotel and set the whole place on fire. One time I pretended to be an American soldier and spent an entire night out drinking with some other Americans, then sabotaged their car to make it look like they got in an accident. None of it...mattered to me. All that mattered was carrying out my orders.
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how much of the same boat are they sharing right now? different circumstances and perhaps different intent, but— it doesn’t remove the fact that both were still horrible. had eren never gotten his own memories, he’d probably find some difficulty in understanding this—
but it was difficult. it was, especially when that wasn’t you and you just— had to do it. for a moment, the russian man james speaks of makes eren wander far; there was a reason for their actions, a knowing choice they all made whether for their own gain or a greater one. eren’s eyes fall somewhere once they see james and how transparent he’s being, offering to guide them to sit on a bench.
eren’s talked about this with other people before; his collection comes from many times where he spoke completely broken. where he wept and felt hopeless, felt guilty, to have so many deaths on his back for something that, on the surface, could seem utterly selfish.
there were too many layers to understand at once, especially when they’re given scattered pieces. ]
I want to say it’s in the past, [ like he constantly thinks in the front, but . . . it’s not what he always feels. there’s a pause, for him to swallow too. ] but only someone who’s felt a burden like ours knows what it’s like. [ a shuffle of his arms as he crosses them together against each other. ]
It’s not easy to move forward. Especially when memories are pretty much shadows. [ they’re just always following behind you, wherever you go. ]
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Technically, we didn't do any of those things. And it's not like the people we killed even existed in the first place. Nothing happened, so...it shouldn't matter.
[ He folds his arms. ]
Except it does, for some dumb reason.
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✖️ YUSUKE
That’s what I meant, either way.
[ oh, yusuke. eren returns his sketch book to him. ]
Mind helping us out for Elliot’s birthday?
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How so? Did you need help with decorations or baking a cake...?
[ do you sing + do you want to help with elliot's birthday should = pls sing, but not in yusuke's mind. ]
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[ SING YOU FOOL ]
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I can certainly help with decor — what sort of colour palette would suit a party for Elliot? I feel aqua tones are quite fitting for him, but I am very open to suggestions.
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✖️ JOHN
[ wow, you won’t get away with this
Thanks. Elliot’s going to love it. [ oh and— ] What can I teach you?
[ eren knows shooting, dog training, body throwing, limb locks . . . how to tell if a limited edition transformer statue is legit ]
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...I want to get better at defense that isn't using my weapons or my powers. What do you know about that?
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he has to stop to look john up and down, though. he’s healthy, active and physically fit, but he’s not buffed out or anything like eren’s crazy german world eight pack. he would go with mma, but there’s a lot of ground game to that. you don’t want ground game in a real fight or flight response. ]
You’re gonna get bruised, but Krav Maga. Anyone with the right fitness can learn. It focuses on avoiding confrontation, but if you have to— you finish it. Fast.
[ eren gestures ]
I can get you started on the basics and we can keep going or not from there. What do you think?
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✖️ KOGA
[ go get him, honey. make this music nerd shine. but eren appreciates the rest— titan got vet visits through fort mccoy. and he wouldn’t be taking two dogs if he didn’t have the cash for it in the first place! ]
I’m needing one, so— I’ll give it a look.
[ kaiser, in the mean time, is plotting their demise. he’s going to get attention soon and does not want it to go away. no, he wants it to chase after him like thirsty beasts. he wants to feel loved like paparazzi behind celebrities . . . ]
He’ll be a good roll model for this one.
[ titan, he means. ]
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Please, I'd like good pet owners to come by and not just some old ladies preening their feathers with their friends and gossiping. Or the guy with his family's circus who keeps asking me out.
[ koga sounds. so tired with that remark. but unsurprisingly that miai guy and his family is a really good client so mr. secretary deals, he aint the worst. the old ladies who feed their dogs weird trendy food boosted by celebrities. on that note, kaiser wants attention like one, yeah? guess who's coming over to the penned-off area with with a nice treat. koga thinks kaiser should have one final bit of affection from he because you know what, he likes the boy because they're all trying their best. he succeeded today. ]
I want to see it! I mean, both of them sometime. German Shepherds are great dogs! A well-trained one that ain't on the job is a treat.
no subject
[ thing comes short when eren’s about to snap the leash onto a brand new collar and onto kaiser, when the pit sees an opening: a little crack in between the lines and moveable kennel. it’s all he needs to blast our of the area like an f5 hurricane, doggy grin so wide you can see the uncontained happiness in it. his tongue flies and slobbers koga’s hand for the treat, and off he goes in a bolting and playful lope. good bye doge, eren got trampled.
he tries to grab him, but he failed. ]
✖️ AKIRA
[ they need a barrel of ice cream and that’s where eren prefers to take them. they’re getting closer and closer to that ice cream store over there . . . how does eren even function, wearing boots on a day such as this? are boots the only shoes he has? the poor thing.
and for one: akira is a very good story teller. the whole thing has eren almost tripping on a little disleveled bit of sidewalk, too captivated by detail and the atrocities that happened and people would just— selfishly avoid it for their own gain.
it’s an intensely satisfying memory, even eren feels it, although he’s a little lost along the way and could use some clarification. ]
So fighting would happen in another dimension, and there they’d . . . [ he was more likely to ask “how did he eat women in another dimension”, but then it clicks. ] show themselves for who they were.
✖️ GAR
[ oh god what . . . scary and yelling at him about being responsible. he actually feels touched that he’s left such a mark, and nevertheless smiles some. even if he’s not being an entirely good rollmodel right now, is he? ]
That doesn’t sound too off. [ and, listen, ] Just don’t get used to it.
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[Gar smiles innocently. ..........He's probably pushing it.]
...'K, now let's drive outta here and straight on all the way to Albuquerque!!!
[...]
I don't actually know what Albuquerque is but it sounds like fun.
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[ you know what? stop growing on him. during a straight, eren’s hand reaches over to ruffle his hair all rough and tumbly, like some older sibling who’s just about had it with your shenanigans, and yet, enjoys it enough to not be kicking him out of the car instead. ]
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