ic contact 💥 recollé (v2)

[usurpers]

EREN JAEGER

TATAKAI INTENSIFIES

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

yps 💪 • fairweather clan ☀️ GIANT⚡️ROBOT 🎸
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[usurpers]

I’m glad you didn’t just fall off the face of the earth. And I’ll tell them, [ them ] just this once.

. . . I didn’t. I got home, cried the whole night and didn’t want to get near anyone. I was afraid even to go home, honestly. I got help after that. I couldn’t do it on my own.

You can’t either, can you?

1/2

[motiv8]

Thank you.

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I'm still around, just... trying to keep to myself for now. I don't feel safe around other people. Or, moreover, I don't feel like they'll be safe around ME.

...and, well. I guess I can't say that's not more or less exactly what I did. As for doing this on my own...

I don't know. I guess not, since I'm texting you at all. But I don't know what else I can do.

2/2

[motiv8]

What happened down there is exactly what my past self was afraid of.

I attacked Crow. I tried to kill my own sister.

If I can't control it, if it puts the people I care about in danger, then I can't be near them. I refuse to put them at that risk.

[usurpers]

Don’t make that mistake.

When you see the look on their face, from how much you hurt them for leaving instead of coming back, you’ll never forgive yourself. You’ll die with it.

As long as Vanderweele is around, we don’t have to get powers to turn on the people we care about. It starts there. We need to be smarter than that, or we’ll all put ourselves in bubbles. I’d have to be gagged, constrained and put underground.

None of us, much less you, deserve that.

[motiv8]

[Wow, Eren, thanks for rubbing in how he's hurting them. It's not like he has the evidence staring him in the face anyway. ...Then again, he probably does need to hear it.]

Then what do I do? If Elliot hadn't shown up when he did, I don't know how much worse things could have gotten. Just thinking about it makes me sick, just like I felt before I lost control...

Sure, I can ask you now, "how did you learn to control it?" and then maybe apply some of that to myself. Maybe I can try to minimize the damage. But with things as dangerous as they are, I can't possibly guarantee there won't be a next time.

And when that day comes, what if Elliot isn't there? What if Elliot can't help?

[usurpers]

You won’t be dependant on anyone but yourself when I’m through with you. When we’re through with you. But for that, you need to trust someone. Honestly, you need to trust someone you know won’t get hurt or killed so easily.

Every person is an experience, but we’ll find yours. I asked two friends to stay on standby, and I shifted as many times as I could in Recollé Woods. I couldn’t remember them during any of those times. Four weeks, every day, and I’m sure I tried to eat both more than once. I would’ve if they weren’t nearly gods.

But I trusted them. I figured out that it’s like swimming. All those times, I just couldn’t keep my head above water. That’s the only way I can explain how it feels for me. We just need to figure out how it feels for you.

. . . If you don’t trust yourself, trust me to get you to.

1/2

[motiv8]

[Admittedly, he's not sure about this. But... if there's anyone he's positive even the monstrous side of him couldn't take down so easily, it's Eren.]

...If you think you can help me control this, then I'm in. It's not like I want to be trapped by my own inability forever.

2/2

[motiv8]

[There is a long pause between that text and the next one.]

But

Eren. Can you promise me something?

If I ever lose control completely, if nothing anyone does brings me back.

Can I trust you to take me out?

[usurpers]

[ long pause. very long pause. rean is left on read himself for long than a few minutes. he’s conflicted, obviously. he’s conflicted and he types not a chance and it’s variants so many times that he eventually gives up. he’s on a blank, blinking text box all over again that still probably says eren is typing.

why is that people come to him to die. ]

You’re not the first person who asks me to do this and I feel like a hypocritical piece of shit to tell you no.

[ because he had people to take him out when he was still unstable. god, he doesn’t know if his memories are helping here or not. ]

We’ll use every other option before that. If we do this right, you’re not going to die. Alright?

[motiv8]

[Rean's actually not panicked by that, really. It'd be more surprising if Eren responded immediately.]

That's what I'm asking. I'm not expecting this to be option A, all right? This is absolutely a last resort. It's just...

From what I remember, whatever this thing is was strong enough for an untrained 9-year-old to utterly slaughter a bear. If it could do all of that then, who's to say what it could do now, with more strength and training?

I wouldn't ask you if I thought anyone else was strong enough to do it. I wouldn't want this on my head, so I hate putting it on yours.

[usurpers]

Alright. It’s option Z. No one else you’d know would have the heart to do it.

[ and what that says about eren . . . well. he has mixed feelings as his eyes sadden behind the screens keeping them apart.

a bear, eren thinks. ]

What did you feel before it happened?

[motiv8]

Thank you.

And... one more request. Please don't tell the others I asked you this. I imagine they'll have plenty to say to me as it is, they don't need to freak out about something that, hopefully, we'll never even need to worry about.

[To the next part, though... ugh, it's hard to even think through.]

As for what I felt...

Raina got attacked by one of the monsters in the hospital, and then all of a sudden she started charging at Crow. And that's when I remembered something, but... even without that, all I was thinking was that he was in danger, that I had to protect him.

[You know, with a nice side of "no no no not again never again" from the memory, but...

He doesn't know how that ends, really, does he? Crow said it barely scratched him. Maybe it is the truth, and he's just thinking too much into it. Maybe...]

Fat load of good that did me, given I hurt him, too.

[usurpers]

I know, I’m not that crazy. They’d kill both of us.

[ and probably never forgive him. but— eren’s determined to never let it go there. another pause as he figures out how to compare notes. ]

Any memories of the same thing? Before you black out.

[motiv8]

Listen, I'd hope so, but if I don't cover my bases I'm just going to have one more thing keeping me up at night. Not something I need right now.

Well... there's that memory I mentioned, of me as a 9 year old ripping apart a bear. I was with my little sister – not Raina, a girl from my past life – and it cornered us. I was just trying to keep it away from her, and it had gotten me pretty badly. Elise was crying because I was bleeding, and I was about ready to black out. The thing kept coming toward her, and all I could think was "she's in danger."

When I woke up, there was blood (among other things) all over the snow and all over me, and I'd absolutely destroyed the thing with a brush-cutting knife. Elise was still terrified and crying, but she was terrified of me.

[usurpers]

It’s the worst.

The first time I turned in my memories, I only remember waking up and being surrounded by soldiers and canons. I didn’t know what happened, I thought I died. Everyone was ready to pull the trigger, with the exact same face. Terrified, like I’d turn again and eat them. There were only two people that stood in front of me the whole time, one of them even threatened them back if they hurt me. Their names were Armin and Mikasa. They were my best friends then.

Before I really tell you what I’m planning, Rean— talk to them. And if you can’t talk to them now, if not today, work on it to talk to them soon. Keep them updated while we work. You don’t have to meet with them if that’s what you’re afraid of, but talk. They can remember things about you that I can’t that can change everything. They’re your friends, and they’re the ones that’ll stand by you regardless of what you or anyone else thinks you are. You know why?

They can see who you are more than anyone else can, especially more than you.

[motiv8]

[Deep down, Rean knows Eren's right. He needs to talk to them for a number of reasons – to apologize, above all. And even if it weren't for that, he can hear Elise's voice echoing in his mind...

"I look out for you because I care about you! Because you're important to me! And I'm sure that Mother, Father, Master Ka-Fai, your classmates, and all of your other acquaintances feel the same. So please... from the bottom of my heart... please don't say that you don't have the 'right to be treated kindly.' Of course you do. You just don't realize it."

...heh. She's still right, an entire lifetime later, isn't she? And Rean still can't see it, still can't understand why. But it doesn't really matter if he understands or not. Eren and Elise both are right: his friends still care about him, and if the past few days have proven anything it's that he can't shake them off.]

I'll work on it. I don't know if I have it in me right now, but I know I have to.

I'll talk to them before the week is out, okay? And you can kick my ass if I don't live up to that.

[usurpers]

A deal I can make. [ he’s JOKING (no he ain’t) ] But I believe you. Do it.

[ ]

So— It doesn’t come out of nowhere.
I need resolve and drawing blood to shift. It doesn’t look like you need the blood, just more the resolve to do something. Mostly in danger.

We’ll make a schedule, go to my training spot, and I’ll try and pull it out of you.

[motiv8]

[He had a feeling that was the plan. And it scares him, but...]

All right. When and where do you want me to meet you?

[usurpers]

Every evening at six in front of Recollé Woods. Or somewhere I can pick you up.

You don’t remember anything else that could help us?

[motiv8]

About that thing taking over? Nothing concrete, but...

The scar on my chest hurt before it did, I remember that. And in a memory I have of fighting something, my scar was aching in that same way. I'd thought at the time I must have just gotten hit, but looking back it feels more like the way my chest ached once Elliot brought me out of it.

[usurpers]

[ eren’s taking mental notes. and planning his first attack. shrek will be friend whether they like it or not, he swears it. ]

We need a name for it.

[motiv8]

For whatever this power is?

I certainly haven't remembered anyone calling it anything in particular, and I can't say I'm ripe for ideas right now.

[usurpers]

Intruder
Lucifer Prospect
Slayer Knave
Enigma Epitome
Bohemian Rhapsody
Shwarzergeddon

1/2

[motiv8]

[is this real life,]

2/2

[motiv8]

Vetoed on all counts.