usurpers | ic contact 💥 recollé (v2)

Don’t text in class, we need the assignment objectives.

[NO.]

C'mon it's probably just 'Make a Poster' or something Be my buddy and we'll get an A+ for sure

I didn’t say no so pay attention

[ EREN DOES THE POINTS TO EYES POINTS TO YOU GESTURE IN HIS SEAT and sensei just said something about robotic patients ]

[Crow looks up from his phone and sticks his tongue out at him while he waits for the assignment.

Something something robot patients? An interactive study?

He's listening.

And...

That's when the teacher pulls out the baby dolls, holding them in his hands to display them to everyone.]

[

like, literally, if you took a picture of him right now, you can make a spongegar meme out of him. he doesn’t really.

have another reaction. even as the teacher starts handing out babies to the couples and explain the program (these babies are laced with emergency situations!!), he grabs the baby by the neck and

stares

this is the phenomenon everyone in history waits for, friends. eren meets a baby. and if you’ve ever seen a man who should never procreate, holding a baby wrong and just staring out to his partner—

this is going to be hilarious. ]

[RecArmin and RecMikasa must be screaming somewhere.

A baby. A baby set to respond to certain medical situations. Choking, seizures, all with keys that are able to remedy the situation. And to top it off, mistreating the baby (Throwing it, dropping it) to an extensive degree gets you an automatic 'C' or lower.

They're dead. They're so dead.

Crow watches in horror as the teacher gives EREN the baby, Eren grasping it by the neck like he'd just pulled a damn carrot out of the ground. If one could measure expectations, Crow's would've gone from 'things will work out' to 'requesting backup REQUESTING BACKUP'.

In a desperate attempt to remedy the situation, Crow puts his arms in a cradle-like position. A VISUAL CUE, EREN. TAKE THE VISUAL CUE.]

[ the tables have turned. are they really getting an A now? the world will only know in maybe a few seconds or by the end of the project. eren watches crow and tries to decipher the cue. hold baby like football.

he’s holding the baby like a foot ball, backwards (smuggling its face into the inside of his arm, and not like, outside,, for it to breathe,,) and looks back at crow with raised brows. have you ever seen an eren jaeger so lost yet so uneducated in baby he doesn’t realize he’s lost? you have now.

they have a slip they need to fill out. a daily slip being passed around, the baby even needs a name.

eren jaeger has never looked between crow and the clock so much in a day. he has something to say. ]

Edited 2019-04-06 22:16 (UTC)

[A small thunk. Crow's head has made contact with the desk, hands threading through his hair at what he got himself into.

He should've asked Nancy. Nancy seemed like a nice, homely girl with a lot of experience raising siblings. Janet might've been a good choice too.

Heck, even Hector. Hector was a good guy! Probably writes his mom!

No, he chose Eren "smothers a baby with his armpit" Jaeger.

Eren Jaeger who now just got the slip to fill out with the name blank and waiting to be filled.]

Edited 2019-04-08 02:06 (UTC)

[ class is over? class is over. during this time he just sort of— experiments? and tries to hold baby the way he remembers how grisha held zeke. without the imposed responsibility on an infant, those feelings squick him out.

he ends up keeping his hand under the baby’s head and holding the rest of the body with his other— and completely stiff in movement after that.

eren jaeger is trying so hard and he has no idea why you’re being so dramatic. walking over with baby held in the aforementioned position, he says, very seriously: ]

Ragnarok sound good?

[Sorry, he needed a moment to mourn his GPA.

Crow looks up and him and...well, it's not exactly Mom approved of a holding position, but it's not being smothered, and Eren seems to have SOME idea of what you should and shouldn't do*. *for now

Collecting himself, he stands up, trying to put on a smile before--

The name.]

Ragnarok. You named the kid Ragnarok.

Edited 2019-04-08 22:54 (UTC)

I named the robot Ragnarok.

[ IT’s cOMPLETELY DifFERENT and he’s holding this baby like the most prideful of all bamboo trees. ]

So? Any other suggestions?

[How are you both right and so wrong at the same time?]

Well, yeah you got me there, but you're supposed to treat it like it's the real thing. They call it simulation.

So the BABY is named Ragnarok--and stop holding it like it's going to explode.

[Crow's just going to try and adjust Eren's arms without actually removing said baby himself. A man's gotta learn!]

We could name him BJ.

[Worth a try!]

Edited 2019-04-10 00:02 (UTC)

I don’t want to—

[ drop it, he doesn’t want to drop it

but naming it BJ will make him drop it for its own well being ]

It’s Ragnarok.

[He knows that feel, Eren, but at least Crow's gentle in his corrections.]

Ragnarok. Well...we're officially those hipster parents that want a one-of-a-kind name for their kid.

There ya go. You look like you've got the new-baby glow and everything!

[ honestly . . . with a comment like that, he isn’t even mad? or offended? still just spongegar emote.

and even if he’s holding it better thanks to crow, he looks down and still feels. absolutely stiff. looking around, almost everyone seems to be holding their baby better than him. it’s not jealousy he feels— being behind, believe it or not, was something ordinary for eren, he always seemed like he needed to try twice as hard to get to a satisfactory level at anything. the results were phenomenal, but before that!

he needed practice. he needed to learn. ]

Let me see how you hold him.

[ the twunk stick sways. take ragnarok, crow. ]

I’m not letting this assignment go until I do.

[That just makes you all the more admirable in Crow's eyes, Eren. And that's why he absolutely does not want this to be fucked up because of your memories suddenly coming back and making you chomp on a baby's head. He's seen you get a memory back. He's seen your spit.

He worries.

But Eren's request is harmless enough, Crow blinking owlishly as he reaches out to take their newest bundle of joy.]

Alright. Keep in mind last baby I held was Fie, my cousin. And I couldn't have been more than like..4 or 5.

[Crow cradles the baby in the crook of his arm, letting the neck rest gently on his upper bicep. The thing is lifeless, of course, but Crow's going to talk to it as if it were actually a living thing.]

Eeeyyy Rocky~

[ this is so weird he like. every time he looks at it he can’t see a baby, he sees a robot.

he can handle that? crow’s got it just like everyone else. ]

Like a football?

[ HE NEEDS TO PINPOINT SIMILARITIES ]

[Crow watches Eren's fixed stare on what he's doing, trying to describe it as best he can.]

Like a football, but you gotta make sure that their face is facing up too, and that their neck is supported.

You got dogs, right?

Titan and Kaiser.

[ . . . face ]

You’re not saying they’re like dogs, are you?

[Don't give him that face.]

Stop that.

[There's a playful hit to his friend's arm. He smiles a little.]

Pretend you're trying to hold them as a puppy. You wouldn't grab Titan like you did back there, right?

[ eren’s ears are the first to go tomato red. lord. he is a fish out of water, floundering . . . why not just give him someone to perform cpr? he breaks ribs so well. and choking victims! internal bleeding! anything alive!

not baby robot, like his mini interactive bb8. he leaves that exploring his entire apartment at night and the beep boops are god damn endearing. ]

. . . Like this.

[ mind you, this is how he held titan as a puppy, while it lasted.

tá-dah ]

[Aw, Eren, your willingness to learn is your best trait, really!

Crow's gentle about it, at least.]

That's one way to do it, if you've got a runaway crawler on the loose. But try this.

[Instead of holding it in the crook of his arm, Crow's going to hold the baby up to Eren's shoulder, so the head is looking past it and behind him. Crow takes his arms and places them on the baby's bottom and back.]

There, now it's using you as a support. And you look totally natural.

[ oh, god here we go again. stiff as a glacier.

and you know what’s worse! he’s trying his best and its not embarrassment— but from the tips of his ears, redness spreads down his cheeks and over his face. brows slant and he looks like he’s trying to tsun and fails before he even starts.

it’s making robo-baby sounds and all this grunting and for once

eren understands, they speak the same language ]

Discomfort-?

[ what they don’t know: the baby is going to enter emergency mode in the next ten seconds. ]

[God, Crow can practically feel Eren's discomfort from here, watching him practically plank standing up at the idea of holding this robotic infant. His hands hover around the child (and the robot-baby too), making sure no accidental drops happen.]

See? Piece of cake.

Maybe it just needs a burp or something.

[Haha...ha.]

So much for a handbook on this, huh? We got keys we can stick in if it's something like feeding or insulin.

[ he wants to burp. alright. that fits the checklist of general baby discomforts to look out for before trying something drastic& dash; see, he studies. he studies and he actually knows what should be done, but his hand hovers uncertainty behind the infant’s back. ]

How hard do I hit him?

[ bye ]

ic contact 💥 recollé (v2)

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