you want to hide it. could be because you donāt want to remember or because you donāt want other people to get the wrong idea. i guess it was both for me? i got my past dadās glasses.
[There's a pause. He wants to inquire more, but Eren just said it was something he doesn't want to remember- so it'd be mean to force him to do so. It's probably go some real bad baggage if Eren's pushing it away. It made his own reason feel silly in comparison.]
I guess it's something like that... I dunno. The whole past memories thing is still confusing sometimes. I mean, I really do want to make sure they're all okay but...
[ elliotās a sweetheart, butā eren wouldnāt have brought it up in the first place if he didnāt feel ready to talk about it. it took some months, but this mission . . .
his eyes are far more opened than they were. it has some ways to go, but he prefers it this way. ]
itās hard to change how we feel over night. i donāt think so. i do it. a lot. why do you?
[Because okay, as much as he doesn't want to upset Eren by prying- that's also a weird way to phrase it
It's nice to hear Eren does resent it too. Makes him feel less like a terrible person]
Well, I'm sure they're nice people And none of this is their fault But I feel like I'm being set up to live some life I didn't choose all over again. I can't help but resent that a little.
i threw up on akira but he took me home and showed me magic tricks
[ HEāLL EXPLAIN BUT. good . . . end?????
but thereās a fair pause here. itās the same thingā and he canāt help but to feel relief when this all bubbles up in his throat and . . . heās not afraid to say it. ]
i need to tell you something i didnāt before because i needed to think about it and get to the conclusion on my own you gave me word last time, so i think itās my turn
these memories are either going to make us really, really strong or completely useless elliot. even before the titan powers iāve been afraid you just get the feeling that things can repeat themselves, that goes for everyone
i remembered picking up my dadās glasses as a kid in the middle of the woods, alone, in a no titan zone. heād been half eaten. the conclusionās pretty obvious.
[ a pause. ]
and thatās just one of them. iām not the person i thought i was in these memories. maybe i just wanted to be special or whatever, something stupid like that so i waited. like a dumbass, twice. and that just made my first few days here shitty and not just for me.
itās all up to us. the only person whoās going to affirm that youāre turning into someone youāre not is you. iām done being trapped like that. from now on i make my own damn choices because no one else has that sort of power over me but me. if memories are that much stronger than our will than youāre already signing papers. donāt let that happen.
[That's...what do you even say to memories like that? Elliot had some bad memories, but none of them that made him doubt question things about himself like that. There's a pause before he responds.]
I wish we were having this conversation in person. [He can't hug you over text!]
I'm really proud of you. You actually sound like you did when we first met. Remember? When you yelled at me about complying to my family's dreams instead of following my own?
we can always talk about it when we feel cornered, a lot more things happened.
[ heās not about to chipperly bring up war, but . . . haha. that makes his heartstone warm. ]
it was about time he came back sometimes we just need to remember that weāre the ones that put chains on us in the first place. other eren made his choices because he had to. iām making mine because i want to.
Yeah, and we will if you want to. I just mean, I'm not always the best with words? But I know how to hug. Like I'd be giving you one right now.
[Especially when sometimes, there are no words to be said, but over text- silence just comes off all wrong. ]
You're right. We're our own best jailkeepers. I believe in you Eren, that you'll be the man you want. But don't think you have to do it alone, you know. We are a team.
i can feel it from here. and i do. if itās something that doesnāt matter to me i shouldnāt be dead set on keeping it from you anyway if you found out on your own somehow, like those train carts in the tunnels? you wouldnāt like it. no one does.
[ even if thereās gracious understanding in the middle of it, thatās just the way things are, thatās just how . . . human nature is. and like he said to yusuke, heās sure of something: he doesnāt want to be that sort of person to elliot. heās kept enough things, and unfortunate for him, itās the kind that eats at him. like heās doing more wrong than he is good.
and when that starts happening, the red flags should go up. if they donāt, then youāre still doing good. keep at it. ]
and i donāt have any reason to worry if that isnāt going to be me in the end automatically you donāt worry either
[ thatās just how strong confidence is. itās contagious. and he still wants to be that sturdy safe haven heās always wanted to be for him. ]
thatās our team. and i always want you in it. the same way i want to be there right now
Oh right, that train car. That wasn't fun.... Okay. How about once all of this is over, we make a night of it? We can order pizza and take turns sharing memories with each other. I think it's fair to say we've both been holding back stuff we shouldn't.
[Not that his were really for the same reason, but Eren had a point. It was better to be up front and honest with each other than to have it come out later.
But he loves hearing that confidence out of Eren. It does a lot to quell some of the worries that were nagging him the past few months over him.]
Hehe, yeah. Even if Retrospec made the mistake of putting us on the wrong teams this mission It doesn't change that you're my #1 teammate.
itās gonna be a better movie night than the actual movies up for rental itās a deal.
[ an idea that, you knowā doesnāt seem bad at all, when they put it like that. treating these memories differently might help them a lot more than they think, and eren agrees with a smile that couldnāt quite be seen through text. whatever, itās still there. ]
me too honestly i donāt think it was a mistake i think zee did a lot of this on purpose
itād be dumb not to be, but at least heās aware of that. i donāt want to jump the gun either but trusting him is the only thing weāve got. no one would be crazy enough to screw with all of us if they didnāt want our help i have a hand out and a foot back, you know?
..... and itās really hard not to like you elliot. did he do something for you?
Haha, thanks but you're a little biased. He said I was one of the users that gives them the least amount of problems He also gave me help with unlocking his phone, and let me know how you were doing. Or, at least reassurance that you were fine.
[Oh no don't you talk bad about yourself! Immediate defense squad activate]
Many of the problems you've had aren't your fault. [Eren's memories were difficult and who could predict turning into a titan??] Besides, who knows if not causing problems for them is a GOOD thing. We still don't know if they're really our allies.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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youāre embarrassed because you were happy?
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Ha...ha...
Yeah, it DOES sounds silly when you put it that way.
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itās alright to get good things from then
IāD want those
as long as we donāt forget about here, you taught me that
and honestly..... i did the same thing with mine
for a different reason but itās sort of the same thing at the core
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Don't worry, I'm not forgetting about here.
Though it does make feel a little better to hear you say that...
Huh? What core is that?
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you want to hide it. could be because you donāt want to remember or because you donāt want other people to get the wrong idea. i guess it was both for me?
i got my past dadās glasses.
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[There's a pause. He wants to inquire more, but Eren just said it was something he doesn't want to remember- so it'd be mean to force him to do so. It's probably go some real bad baggage if Eren's pushing it away. It made his own reason feel silly in comparison.]
I guess it's something like that...
I dunno. The whole past memories thing is still confusing sometimes.
I mean, I really do want to make sure they're all okay but...
Is it bad that part of me resents them a little?
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[ elliotās a sweetheart, butā eren wouldnāt have brought it up in the first place if he didnāt feel ready to talk about it. it took some months, but this mission . . .
his eyes are far more opened than they were. it has some ways to go, but he prefers it this way. ]
itās hard to change how we feel over night. i donāt think so. i do it.
a lot.
why do you?
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[Because okay, as much as he doesn't want to upset Eren by prying- that's also a weird way to phrase it
It's nice to hear Eren does resent it too. Makes him feel less like a terrible person]
Well, I'm sure they're nice people
And none of this is their fault
But I feel like I'm being set up to live some life I didn't choose all over again.
I can't help but resent that a little.
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but he took me home and showed me magic tricks
[ HEāLL EXPLAIN BUT. good . . . end?????
but thereās a fair pause here. itās the same thingā and he canāt help but to feel relief when this all bubbles up in his throat and . . . heās not afraid to say it. ]
i need to tell you something i didnāt before because i needed to think about it and get to the conclusion on my own
you gave me word last time, so
i think itās my turn
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But that does sound like something Akira would do.
[Akira is a weird but good dude, after all]
Huh? What is it?
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even before the titan powers iāve been afraid
you just get the feeling that things can repeat themselves, that goes for everyone
i remembered picking up my dadās glasses as a kid in the middle of the woods, alone, in a no titan zone. heād been half eaten. the conclusionās pretty obvious.
[ a pause. ]
and thatās just one of them. iām not the person i thought i was in these memories. maybe i just wanted to be special or whatever, something stupid like that so i waited. like a dumbass, twice. and that just made my first few days here shitty and not just for me.
itās all up to us. the only person whoās going to affirm that youāre turning into someone youāre not is you. iām done being trapped like that.
from now on i make my own damn choices because no one else has that sort of power over me but me. if memories are that much stronger than our will than youāre already signing papers. donāt let that happen.
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[That's...what do you even say to memories like that? Elliot had some bad memories, but none of them that made him doubt question things about himself like that. There's a pause before he responds.]
I wish we were having this conversation in person. [He can't hug you over text!]
I'm really proud of you.
You actually sound like you did when we first met.
Remember? When you yelled at me about complying to my family's dreams instead of following my own?
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[ heās not about to chipperly bring up war, but . . . haha. that makes his heartstone warm. ]
it was about time he came back
sometimes we just need to remember that weāre the ones that put chains on us in the first place.
other eren made his choices because he had to. iām making mine because i want to.
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[Especially when sometimes, there are no words to be said, but over text- silence just comes off all wrong. ]
You're right. We're our own best jailkeepers.
I believe in you Eren, that you'll be the man you want.
But don't think you have to do it alone, you know.
We are a team.
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if itās something that doesnāt matter to me i shouldnāt be dead set on keeping it from you anyway
if you found out on your own somehow, like those train carts in the tunnels? you wouldnāt like it. no one does.
[ even if thereās gracious understanding in the middle of it, thatās just the way things are, thatās just how . . . human nature is. and like he said to yusuke, heās sure of something: he doesnāt want to be that sort of person to elliot. heās kept enough things, and unfortunate for him, itās the kind that eats at him. like heās doing more wrong than he is good.
and when that starts happening, the red flags should go up. if they donāt, then youāre still doing good. keep at it. ]
and i donāt have any reason to worry if that isnāt going to be me in the end
automatically you donāt worry either
[ thatās just how strong confidence is. itās contagious. and he still wants to be that sturdy safe haven heās always wanted to be for him. ]
thatās our team. and i always want you in it.
the same way i want to be there
right now
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Okay. How about once all of this is over, we make a night of it?
We can order pizza and take turns sharing memories with each other.
I think it's fair to say we've both been holding back stuff we shouldn't.
[Not that his were really for the same reason, but Eren had a point. It was better to be up front and honest with each other than to have it come out later.
But he loves hearing that confidence out of Eren. It does a lot to quell some of the worries that were nagging him the past few months over him.]
Hehe, yeah.
Even if Retrospec made the mistake of putting us on the wrong teams this mission
It doesn't change that you're my #1 teammate.
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itās a deal.
[ an idea that, you knowā doesnāt seem bad at all, when they put it like that. treating these memories differently might help them a lot more than they think, and eren agrees with a smile that couldnāt quite be seen through text. whatever, itās still there. ]
me too
honestly
i donāt think it was a mistake
i think zee did a lot of this on purpose
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Something to look forward to! I think?
[Is that the right way to phrase it? Who knows]
You think so?
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weāll be fine
[ as long as it was light and willingā only theyād be able to direct the right energy into it. and as for zee . . . ]
I talked to him. I have a conclusion I think but
what did you think of him?
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We'll just make sure to go nice and easy.
[Take breaks, make sure they were comfortable, etc]
Zee?
I think he's pretty nice, and it's REALLY good to have someone from Retrospec who actually responds. But...
I'm still pretty wary of him.
Though he seems to like me?
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but trusting him is the only thing weāve got. no one would be crazy enough to screw with all of us if they didnāt want our help
i have a hand out and a foot back, you know?
..... and itās really hard not to like you elliot. did he do something for you?
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Haha, thanks but you're a little biased.
He said I was one of the users that gives them the least amount of problems
He also gave me help with unlocking his phone, and let me know how you were doing.
Or, at least reassurance that you were fine.
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[ he will accept that, as a part of him, and one of the seven wonders of the world: elliot is a good boy. ]
at least he was right about that [ thanks, zee. you get points for letting him handle things. ] i wonder if that gets me on the problem list
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Many of the problems you've had aren't your fault. [Eren's memories were difficult and who could predict turning into a titan??] Besides, who knows if not causing problems for them is a GOOD thing. We still don't know if they're really our allies.
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depending on the problem it might even be a favor.
you should keep doing that more often, it really suits you
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