[ Slack must be given! The only thing he knows about looking at the sky is probably what time it is. In military hours. Any reprogramming would probably take an extra lifetime.
It's all in good meaning at least, even he knows that, despite a shrug. Now comes the hard question, getting Eren to inhale and hold it in as he waited for the words to come. ] ]
Itā [ He turns his head as well, but finds himself stunned and what's in his gut wants to ascend to his chest. Boy, here it comes. Cold feet wants to rear its head right in here. He sees those eyes, that face, and a flurry of emotions want to tell him what to do all at the same time. You're doing this. ] You.
[ And at that moment, he wished he had actually thought before saying something so unbelievably corny and unsubstantial. Haha, fuck. Coming on too strong, there. ]
I meanā We were talking about favorite places last time, so . . . [ He swallows, but in that gulp is a smile. ] I wanted to be the one to show you.
[Eren seems...really nervous. Like there was something on his mind that he was struggling to approach. Elliot knew that Eren wasn't the best at showing some emotions. Everyone knew he was aggressive and stubborn, but Elliot knew there could be a shyness to him at times.
The problem was, he couldn't quite figure out why Eren was showing that shyness right now. Elliot was observant, but like Franklin had pointed out to him- he had a massive blindspot when it came to himself.]
Me?
[He listens to the rest of the explanation. That's right. They did talk about that...]
I remember that... [He almost mentions that he has good timing, that Hikari offered to take him stargazing. But for some reason he stops himself- he felt weird bringing up another guy right now] Well, I'm happy to be here. But is this because you feel bad for not answering my texts?
Nā [ No, quick head shaking. ] N-no, it's not that. I wanted to, tell you . . .
[ Heart beating wild now, any and all known nature sounds are completely drowning in the thump in his ears. He knew he had to do something, else he'd keep beating around the bush, or give the wrong idea. Every time something along the lines of I wanted to tell you that bubbled up, it wouldn't come out. It's a first time. There were obvious human feelings that were bound to happen, and he doesn't quite know how to approach this one.
He has to assure himselfā this isn't something he'd be doing with a normal friend, this isn't something he'd be feeling that would be for just friends. Eren held slightly different conduct around Elliot, an effort to kindness and protectiveness doubled. His hand is moving at snail's pace, but deep in there he knew he had to do something. His heart was screaming at him to do something, whether tell him through action or through words.
It's now or it's never, and Eren would never leave something hanging like that again, not after a first time. He has certainty. He has action. He had no other reason to hide himself. He's always been upfront, honest, to those around him and to himself; he follows that flicker in him that tells him to keep going, that it's alright. He dumps the entirety of his chances on the one that's giving him the most assurance: gut feeling! Either a suicide mission or a trip to success.
Before he knew it, his hand bumps into Elliot's, making his chest surge, and instead of pulling back he stops himself, carefully. No sudden movements, no spooks, that wasn't an accident. His fingers stay hovering for split seconds before they settle, brushing and curling over Elliot's, over two fingers maximum. This shit is hard, but it feels rightā his throat is just so dry and twisted he can't say anything. Hell, he's even stopped breathing.
I really, really like you is the conclusion he comes to. ]
[Elliot was waiting for his friend to finish what he was going to say. A number of ideas popped in his head- but he had no idea which one it could be. But he knew it had to be serious, if Eren was struggling so much with it. But then, instead of finishing his words, he takes Elliot's hand in what had to be the most faint and gentle of handholds. It caught Elliot by surprise- Eren really wasn't the type to casually hold hands. Handshakes and high fives were the extent of what Eren did. There wasn't a reason for Eren to hold onto his hand unless....
Unless-
Holy crap.
The confused expression on Elliot's face changes to one that looks more akin to a deer in the headlights as the right conclusion hits him like a ton of bricks. It's almost like having a series of hallucinmemories, except this time it's all the life he's led in Recolle with all those clues he overlooked- highlighted:
Eren got so flustered when he helped Elliot move in after Elliot made that cute bodyguard remark-
Eren was so happy during that night on the beach. He even risk breaking curfew to hear Elliot play one more song-
Eren drove over just to check on him after he found out about Ryoji. He let him cling to him. Eren's heart had been racing the whole time-
Eren started acting weird when he said he had a date with another guy, out of jealousy-
Eren had drove over to his place after he told him about his date and took him to a romantic spot-
None of these were things that just a friend normally did. Had Eren's source of feelings been towards anyone else, Elliot would've picked up the clues in a heartbeat. But since they were being directed towards him...
Wow. Franklin was right. He really did have a blindspot. Eren had been giving him clues all along towards his true feelings, and he had missed all of them. Eren likes him. That's the only conclusion he can come to at all this. Eren actually likes him.]
As the shock of the reveal wears off, the actual meaning starts to sink in. He shuts his eyes for a moment. His heart starts pounding fast, and his face heats up. He's pretty sure his stomach just did a few flips as well. He has a second where he wonders if this was all some sort of dream, but he can still feel Eren's hand on his, and in none of his dreams about this did he feel like this...
Did he like Eren too? Of course he did. That's a fact he's known for a long time. He smiled every time Eren texted him. His heart skipped a beat every time Eren laughed. He treasured his other friends a lot, but it was clear that Eren was on another level. He couldn't even completely condemn his aunt and uncle for trying to force him into a life he didn't want, just because without that pushing he wouldn't have met Eren.
And now Eren was returning his feelings. Even though it was a day Elliot had assumed would never come, it was here. It was reality. A reality he would have to act in.
I am not throwing away my shot.
His resolve steeled up, he opens his eyes again. He makes himself look in Eren's eyes, those beautiful eyes. He'll give him a warm smile as he moves to take Eren's hand in both of his, holding it as gently as Eren touched his hand. He's very nervous, but in a happy sort of way.]
[ H-ha, holy fuck. For more than half a minute, the shock on Elliot's face goes unnoticedā Eren can't quite look at him right, not without feeling like his face was steaming so bad you can fry an egg on his forehead. There's silence, a whole ton of it, no reaction, and Eren swears that somehow, he fucked up more than actually saying something would do. Gut, thanks for being a goddamn traitor.
Does he follow up? He has to follow up, explain this and still save the bond they had and clarify himself. I care a lot about you, but, fuck if that still doesn't sound a little strong (because Eren means every blunt of what he says), and awkward if it's unrequited. Well, this is it. He has to face it now, and at least he can go on knowing that he tried. That's how things should be.
Attention back up to Elliot, lips part and no sound comes, maybe some kind of choke, his mouth is dry and his eyes are nervous. Here it comes. Some sort of Eren, what are you doing, because, ha! Funny story! He didn't know anymore.
His hand is cupped, and he swallows so tightly that nothing seems to go down right, only lodging his heart higher into his throat. But, did he hear that right? Was that smile trying to apologize, or was it real? Those words respond to what he was going to say, and it felt like chimes so breathtaking he finally exhales that built up, tense air in his lungs.
Where was he right now? Floating? All he felt was flutters, and if it weren't for actually holding his hand, he'd be shaking. His breath is shaky. His hand is still being held, by two tenders. ]
Youā like, [ He might be a little more than tongue twisted. Was he actually dumb enough to have made such a storm in a cup when he's actually been liked, that way, for how long? ] Like?
[Elliot is still smiling. He's nervous alright, and shaking a little himself, but he's always been more comfortable with showing love and affection. He can get himself through this.]
Yes, I like you.
[There was no point in really denying it at this point, not when he's already responded once. Sure, there's a part of him that feels a little afraid he did misread the signals but- from Eren's reaction...the reaction he's actually seeing for once instead of letting himself be blinded to it- it seems that it really is real.
At least, he really hoped so. But he sure has a moment of anxiety ]
T-That's what you were trying to say, right? I-If not, well... I-I'm sure Uber still picks up out here...?
[Since that would make for some awkward car ride back.]
[ He'sā he's not even letting you finish that question mark, dude. The disbelief on his face here begins to drift, and he can't help probably the dorkiest smile you'd ever see from him, ever. He's almost embarrassed.
Eren's hand finds a little more confidence, trying to grow accustomed to the held hand faster than his racing thoughts could go, fingers curling around the rest of the hand in his. It feltā wild, and he felt odd in this, like some toddler still learning how to stagger with inexperience, but there was no way he could deny the pops of happiness. ]
I'm not letting you go again. [ He smiles, warm, dipping his head to laugh awkwardly. He has to say it out loud, now, else he wouldn't be clear. ] . . . I really do like you. [ He rubs his face, as if still in disbelief, before eyes are back onto him, to give him that same assurance he's always given. Everything was okay, with him around. ] I was just . . . Too much of a coward to say anything.
["I really do like you." Those words sounded as sweet to him as any symphony. Eren's dorky smile is only matched by Elliot's own. He laughs as well, his own giddy little giggle. ]
Oh thank goodness. [He didn't just make a huge mess of things by jumping to conclusions. This was real. Feeling Eren's hand curl around his told him that.] You're not a coward. It's not like I said anything either...
[It's been a long time. There was so many chances he could've said something, but he choose not to. Eren wasn't interested in dating, he'd tell himself. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. Excuse after excuse.]
[ Was it possible to be this happy, and giddy? Like he's vibrating inside. He's never had this, he's never had this with anyone and neither did he want to in the pastā it was exciting and a little scary all at once. He was so freaked out by the notion of like that he was willing to hop over a moment like this: something so small, but so vast at the same time. He couldn't even feel his face anymore.
And holding his hand, for how simple it was, felt like something so huge. It made him glow. ]
[ Laying back and adjusting his hold, his fingers cover Elliot's, scooting over just a little closer. Not too close, but just enough to be comfortable, and at least try to make up for all that time lost. With baby steps, because this was all new (and intimidating), and Eren did have shyness somewhere in there. He nods, and with a few strips of advice he's picked up here and there, he asks quietly: ]
Does that mean we can call this a date?
[ Date, going out, boyfriend, girlfriendā it was all the same to him until now, but he's hoping to do it differently. ]
[He'll lie back as well, letting one hand fall away from the hold to use as a makeshift pillow under his head, while the other that was covered by Eren's hand still held on. He's completely fine with Eren scooting closer to him, from the looks of it. His thumb moves to affectionately stroke the skin on Eren's hand that it can reach.
The question makes him feel another burst of happiness in his chest. A date, he's on a date with Eren. It takes him a second to realize that Eren's probably not asking rhetorically. Elliot was very well aware just how much dating experience Eren had.]
Oh, um- Haha, we can? Some people say otherwise, but there's no real rules about what a date is and isn't. Just as long as you spend time together and agree it's a date.
[At least, that's what Elliot understood it as. Unlike Eren, he had slightly more experience with this part. He's been on a few dates, kissed a few guys. But nothing serious or ever got past the first couple dates though. His family, his devotion to music - those usually made it not worth the trouble to pursue anything more than that. How could you have a boyfriend when you weren't even out to the family you lived with?
Things were different now though. He wasn't with his aunt and uncle anymore, they were in whole other city. Carlos knew he was gay, and only cared about him being happy. Aside from the occasional call home and family holiday visit, he didn't have to abide by anyone's standards day to day.
And even if he did? Eren was worth the trouble. That much he knew. He'll give a very gentle squeeze of Eren's hand.]
[ That sure is affection he's doubly not used to just as much as he's not used to returning it, and it fills him up with uncountable flutters. Not that he wants to pull away, far from that! Especially when Elliot calls it a date, himself. It's just giving him something a little overwhelming, like that gut feeling you have when you go down that first rollercoaster drop. Repeatedly.
He saw through his greenhorn then, huh. Obviously, he's known ever since the first date fiasco. Eren considers with his mouth closed, considers everything he's heard people say to him during this dilema. He may not speak the language very well, and it may be awkward, butā he was just, eh, weird that way. He never liked walking to most drum strikes anyway, and if there was one thing that this all taught him, it was to just do him from start to finish.
There hasn't been a moment where he's stopped smiling, though. A little more subtle, but as vibrant as the moon was, content with just feeling fingers and holding them. ]
Whatever we call it, [ His lip lifts a little, as if to say screw the rules, ] I just hope we can keep doing it.
Of course we can. [He says to reassure him, to reassure himself. He turns his own head to the side so he can see Eren. Through the dim moonlight, he could see the smile on Eren's face. It was easy to understand, why so many people wrote of the romantic beauty of the moonlight now. It gave just enough light to let Elliot see Eren, but it was still dim enough to make it feel like the world was just the two of them at this moment.
He didn't mind that Eren was a greenhorn, or that things would be taken slow. He was fine with slow himself. As long as he could be with Eren, that would be enough.]
[ He's said thatā countless times when Elliot's needed him, probably, or whenever Eren felt it necessary. There's a pause now, silence that didn't really feel awkward at all when his gaze goes from sky to Elliot, Elliot to sky. Still warm enough to get him through any winter, he felt.
There is . . . One thing he wants to say, though. ]
Listen . . . I'm sorry. For acting weird this whole time. [ Because it's now bloody apparent that some things he did, like that conversation before, and avoiding himā He was an asshat. ] You had nothing to do with it.
[ It was justā him. His problems and his confusion, but with himself. It was more an internal identification glitch than anything, but somehow it felt like something so stupid to worry about. ]
Haha, it's okay. [He'll say in a reassuring tone - one he's used many times before on Eren.]
I get it now. You were trying to work out your own feelings, but you were worried about ruining our friendship because of those feelings, right? [Elliot could relate.]
[ Stop . . . Stop reading his mind . . . ! ! ! Or for the better, please continue. Elliot's summed it up much better than we would've anyway. Looking slightly abashed, his shoulders rising to hide his neck and lower his head. Even with that, he's with someone that understands him. Or, understands the deal. ]
K-Kinda. [He has known Eren for years. For the most part, he understood how he ticked] But it's more I felt the same. I know I got pretty weird there too...
[He scratches the back of his head with the hand underneath it] That's probably why I agreed to that date with Franklin in the first place. I mean, I really did want to see Rent, but... [...] I thought maybe if I dated other people, I'd get over you and then I wouldn't do anything to ruin our friendship.
Haha, guess that plan backfired in a big way, huh?
The fact that they were both thinking so similarly has Eren a little baffled, if not even more stupid to have not done something sooner. Realized, even, Elliot's own subtle hints that flew over his head. Sure, he needed to work out his own things out, like understanding a little bit more of what was going on (he hadn't identified as gay, but hell if he's going to lose neurons thinking about that again). ]
For us both. [ After a moment, he gives a tiny squeeze, as if to get his attention. ] How long've youā?
[ How long were they both stupid so that they can laugh at this, forever. ]
He seems to hesitate at the question, even blushing a little, just thinking about it. But there was no point in denying it, really. Tonight's events had swept away the last of the big secrets he kept from Eren. ]
Ahaha..a-awhile? I think the last time you visited New York was when I realized...
[Realized, at least. How long he had actually had feelings for Eren? He wasn't sure himself. Maybe it had been during that visit to New York, or maybe it had been since the first day they met. Some composer he was, unable to pinpoint the exact moment his heart fell for another]
...Y-you?
[IF I HAVE TO CONFESSTO THIS EMBARRASSMENT, YOU DO TOO]
[ Honesty from here on out was the best policy!! That and, he might even be paving the road to be honest from the start. No hiding anything, for as odd as it may seem. Jasmine was right about people that truly care would either understand or make a genuine effort to. He knows the type of person Elliot is, or elseā he wouldn't even be holding his hand right now. ]
I . . . [ He's on the same boat as Elliot, in fact. He's not pausing because he's embarrassed, as much as they're both sharing that red shade, but to actually put it as clear as possible. When did he? ] I've cared more about you since we met, but.
[ It's like he had mentioned to another, when seeking aidā He knew him for years, he adored him. He was the guy who'd go out of his way to want to genuinely interact with Eren. ]
I never liked anyone before. [ At least, not like this. He probably thought he was just super fond of himā he wasn't even into dating, or guys. ] I started realizing how much when you moved here.
[ He was within reach, he could see him everyday if he wanted, and he found himself wanting to constantly. ]
[Elliot shuts his eyes for a moment, with a clear smile on his face, as if he's trying to visualize Eren's answer for a moment. ]
Heehee, what a pair we make, huh? [He sounds both so happy and amused at that. Both of them had feelings for some time before realizing, and both took their times to do something about it once they did.
But yet here they were now, talking things out and being together. It had taken years and miles to get here, but they were here, by some chance. It almost felt like destiny to Elliot. Which was a comforting thought for Elliot, but with how much Eren valued his own freedom and autonomy...he decided not to voice it. It wasn't needed.
Instead he'll open his eyes up again and look at him. ]
I get it. Back when we mostly just chatting online, it was really easy to pretend I was overthinking it, you know? Or that I was just imagining having feelings. But...when you came to help me move in your uniform...
Well, I really did mean that bodyguard remark. I-it was hard not to check you out.
[ Oh, oh boy, what. Him, check him out? He may not find the appeal, but he knows what it means. The frank version: you looked really cool and attractive. Remember that day, when Eren's ears turned into two ripe tomatos, and he didn't know where to put his sheepish face? Eren, no self preservation and always ready to swing fists, mistakingly angry, takes things more serious than he should, now here, smiling and fidgeting like someā he didn't even know.
Here come the blunder of words that aren't really coherent enough to be words under his breath. He's embarrassed! The good kind of embarrassed, he's flattered. He was really cool and dashing in that uniform.
He attempts to say something, but it just comes out as strange babble. He's trying to English, and ironicallyā if it weren't Elliot he'd just shrug it off. Uh, okay. Not interested. It actually being someone of interest changes everything. Was he attracted to him as well? Of course, how many times was he caught simply staring at him? Differently, but still staring. This is rather funny to watch. A broke record Eren. ]
Iā didn't think anyone would, so when you said thatā [ Overthinking so much that he denied any underlying meanings in that statement the first time. Likeā Elliot? Liking and being attracted to someone like him? ] I thought I was being crazy.
[ Especially when he never really cared about it! And hey, since they're talking about this . . . ]
[That was...some reaction. There was babbling, near incoherent statements, blundering. Elliot can't help it, he starts laughing. Not one of his short little laughs that tend to be flags for his emotions, it's a laugh that comes up from his stomach and lasts a good length of time, making him unable to speak for a bit.
Like most of Elliot's laughs, there's no malice or mockery mixed into it. It's still loving and affectionate. He wasn't laughing at Eren - honestly it was hard to pinpoint the exact reason he was laughing. Maybe it was all the high running emotions finally letting themselves out, or just how stupid they both seemed now that they were being open with one another, or just seeing Eren Jaeger of all people squirm so much over something he said. Or maybe it was even his own sudden embarrassment at the thought that Eren had been looking at him too pushed his nerves over the edge. Whatever it was, the entire situation just seemed so...funny.]
S-Sorry. [He tries to apologize in between breaths and laughing sounds.] Y-You weren't [ha] crazy.
[ At least his laugh gets him to loosen up rather than tense further! It's a happy, enjoyable chortle that has Eren giving a slight haha along with it. He doesn't go the extra mile to laugh that hard at himself, but it's all in good humor.
He's visibly happy, beaming even, and Eren's wow'd that he could cause a bit of that. Elliot's done the same after all, just look at him. He could stay here all night if he could, just sit here and count the stars, or just make each other laugh like thatā it's been a while since he's laughed.
He wishes he can stay longer, but a look at the moon has him giving a sigh, the light hold on Elliot's hand earning a squeeze. In a matter of seconds, his phone begins to vibrate in his pocket, and he hangs his head as he sits up. That's his curfew alarm, to a rockin' version of the Air Force melody. ]
Gotta go.
[ The first time in probably ever: the look in Eren's eyes to go back to the Fort isn't an excited one. He'sādisappointed. At least there's only one week left until freedom to roam. He'll only have to go to class and train in the mornings at much more flexible hours, like any college student. ]
[Hearing Eren's phone brings Elliot back down to reality again, his laughter finally tempering off. He uses his hand to wipe the tears in his eyes made from all the laughter. He knows he heard Eren laughing too, which is alone to make him happy. Eren doesn't laugh nearly as easily as he does. ]
Oh...that late already?
[Eren's look of disappointment is matched by Elliot's own. It's hard not to feel disappointment. No one would want to leave a moment this wonderful. There's a quick thought in his head that tells him to encourage Eren to ignore the alarm. To stay out here a little longer. By the look in Eren's eyes, it probably wouldn't be a hard sell at all.
But even if that's tempting...Elliot dismisses the thought. He didn't want to get Eren in trouble. Not when he was so close to achieving his dream. So he'll blink away his own disappointed look, and offer Eren a small, empathetic but understanding smile. His free hand will reach over and very lightly touch Eren's shoulder.]
You can do it. I'll wait. It's just one more week.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's all in good meaning at least, even he knows that, despite a shrug. Now comes the hard question, getting Eren to inhale and hold it in as he waited for the words to come. ] ]
Itā [ He turns his head as well, but finds himself stunned and what's in his gut wants to ascend to his chest. Boy, here it comes. Cold feet wants to rear its head right in here. He sees those eyes, that face, and a flurry of emotions want to tell him what to do all at the same time. You're doing this. ] You.
[ And at that moment, he wished he had actually thought before saying something so unbelievably corny and unsubstantial. Haha, fuck. Coming on too strong, there. ]
I meanā We were talking about favorite places last time, so . . . [ He swallows, but in that gulp is a smile. ] I wanted to be the one to show you.
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The problem was, he couldn't quite figure out why Eren was showing that shyness right now. Elliot was observant, but like Franklin had pointed out to him- he had a massive blindspot when it came to himself.]
Me?
[He listens to the rest of the explanation. That's right. They did talk about that...]
I remember that... [He almost mentions that he has good timing, that Hikari offered to take him stargazing. But for some reason he stops himself- he felt weird bringing up another guy right now] Well, I'm happy to be here. But is this because you feel bad for not answering my texts?
no subject
[ Heart beating wild now, any and all known nature sounds are completely drowning in the thump in his ears. He knew he had to do something, else he'd keep beating around the bush, or give the wrong idea. Every time something along the lines of I wanted to tell you that bubbled up, it wouldn't come out. It's a first time. There were obvious human feelings that were bound to happen, and he doesn't quite know how to approach this one.
He has to assure himselfā this isn't something he'd be doing with a normal friend, this isn't something he'd be feeling that would be for just friends. Eren held slightly different conduct around Elliot, an effort to kindness and protectiveness doubled. His hand is moving at snail's pace, but deep in there he knew he had to do something. His heart was screaming at him to do something, whether tell him through action or through words.
It's now or it's never, and Eren would never leave something hanging like that again, not after a first time. He has certainty. He has action. He had no other reason to hide himself. He's always been upfront, honest, to those around him and to himself; he follows that flicker in him that tells him to keep going, that it's alright. He dumps the entirety of his chances on the one that's giving him the most assurance: gut feeling! Either a suicide mission or a trip to success.
Before he knew it, his hand bumps into Elliot's, making his chest surge, and instead of pulling back he stops himself, carefully. No sudden movements, no spooks, that wasn't an accident. His fingers stay hovering for split seconds before they settle, brushing and curling over Elliot's, over two fingers maximum. This shit is hard, but it feels rightā his throat is just so dry and twisted he can't say anything. Hell, he's even stopped breathing.
I really, really like you is the conclusion he comes to. ]
1/2
Unless-
Holy crap.
The confused expression on Elliot's face changes to one that looks more akin to a deer in the headlights as the right conclusion hits him like a ton of bricks. It's almost like having a series of hallucinmemories, except this time it's all the life he's led in Recolle with all those clues he overlooked- highlighted:
Eren got so flustered when he helped Elliot move in after Elliot made that cute bodyguard remark-
Eren was so happy during that night on the beach. He even risk breaking curfew to hear Elliot play one more song-
Eren drove over just to check on him after he found out about Ryoji. He let him cling to him. Eren's heart had been racing the whole time-
Eren started acting weird when he said he had a date with another guy, out of jealousy-
Eren had drove over to his place after he told him about his date and took him to a romantic spot-
None of these were things that just a friend normally did. Had Eren's source of feelings been towards anyone else, Elliot would've picked up the clues in a heartbeat. But since they were being directed towards him...
Wow. Franklin was right. He really did have a blindspot. Eren had been giving him clues all along towards his true feelings, and he had missed all of them. Eren likes him. That's the only conclusion he can come to at all this. Eren actually likes him.]
no subject
As the shock of the reveal wears off, the actual meaning starts to sink in. He shuts his eyes for a moment. His heart starts pounding fast, and his face heats up. He's pretty sure his stomach just did a few flips as well. He has a second where he wonders if this was all some sort of dream, but he can still feel Eren's hand on his, and in none of his dreams about this did he feel like this...
Did he like Eren too? Of course he did. That's a fact he's known for a long time. He smiled every time Eren texted him. His heart skipped a beat every time Eren laughed. He treasured his other friends a lot, but it was clear that Eren was on another level. He couldn't even completely condemn his aunt and uncle for trying to force him into a life he didn't want, just because without that pushing he wouldn't have met Eren.
And now Eren was returning his feelings. Even though it was a day Elliot had assumed would never come, it was here. It was reality. A reality he would have to act in.
I am not throwing away my shot.
His resolve steeled up, he opens his eyes again. He makes himself look in Eren's eyes, those beautiful eyes. He'll give him a warm smile as he moves to take Eren's hand in both of his, holding it as gently as Eren touched his hand. He's very nervous, but in a happy sort of way.]
I...I like you too, Eren.
no subject
Does he follow up? He has to follow up, explain this and still save the bond they had and clarify himself. I care a lot about you, but, fuck if that still doesn't sound a little strong (because Eren means every blunt of what he says), and awkward if it's unrequited. Well, this is it. He has to face it now, and at least he can go on knowing that he tried. That's how things should be.
Attention back up to Elliot, lips part and no sound comes, maybe some kind of choke, his mouth is dry and his eyes are nervous. Here it comes. Some sort of Eren, what are you doing, because, ha! Funny story! He didn't know anymore.
His hand is cupped, and he swallows so tightly that nothing seems to go down right, only lodging his heart higher into his throat. But, did he hear that right? Was that smile trying to apologize, or was it real? Those words respond to what he was going to say, and it felt like chimes so breathtaking he finally exhales that built up, tense air in his lungs.
Where was he right now? Floating? All he felt was flutters, and if it weren't for actually holding his hand, he'd be shaking. His breath is shaky. His hand is still being held, by two tenders. ]
Youā like, [ He might be a little more than tongue twisted. Was he actually dumb enough to have made such a storm in a cup when he's actually been liked, that way, for how long? ] Like?
no subject
Yes, I like you.
[There was no point in really denying it at this point, not when he's already responded once. Sure, there's a part of him that feels a little afraid he did misread the signals but- from Eren's reaction...the reaction he's actually seeing for once instead of letting himself be blinded to it- it seems that it really is real.
At least, he really hoped so. But he sure has a moment of anxiety ]
T-That's what you were trying to say, right? I-If not, well... I-I'm sure Uber still picks up out here...?
[Since that would make for some awkward car ride back.]
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Eren's hand finds a little more confidence, trying to grow accustomed to the held hand faster than his racing thoughts could go, fingers curling around the rest of the hand in his. It feltā wild, and he felt odd in this, like some toddler still learning how to stagger with inexperience, but there was no way he could deny the pops of happiness. ]
I'm not letting you go again. [ He smiles, warm, dipping his head to laugh awkwardly. He has to say it out loud, now, else he wouldn't be clear. ] . . . I really do like you. [ He rubs his face, as if still in disbelief, before eyes are back onto him, to give him that same assurance he's always given. Everything was okay, with him around. ] I was just . . . Too much of a coward to say anything.
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Oh thank goodness. [He didn't just make a huge mess of things by jumping to conclusions. This was real. Feeling Eren's hand curl around his told him that.] You're not a coward. It's not like I said anything either...
[It's been a long time. There was so many chances he could've said something, but he choose not to. Eren wasn't interested in dating, he'd tell himself. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. Excuse after excuse.]
B-But we're here now...right?
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And holding his hand, for how simple it was, felt like something so huge. It made him glow. ]
It'sā [ He'll admit it, ] scary, I don't blame you.
[ Laying back and adjusting his hold, his fingers cover Elliot's, scooting over just a little closer. Not too close, but just enough to be comfortable, and at least try to make up for all that time lost. With baby steps, because this was all new (and intimidating), and Eren did have shyness somewhere in there. He nods, and with a few strips of advice he's picked up here and there, he asks quietly: ]
Does that mean we can call this a date?
[ Date, going out, boyfriend, girlfriendā it was all the same to him until now, but he's hoping to do it differently. ]
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The question makes him feel another burst of happiness in his chest. A date, he's on a date with Eren. It takes him a second to realize that Eren's probably not asking rhetorically. Elliot was very well aware just how much dating experience Eren had.]
Oh, um- Haha, we can? Some people say otherwise, but there's no real rules about what a date is and isn't. Just as long as you spend time together and agree it's a date.
[At least, that's what Elliot understood it as. Unlike Eren, he had slightly more experience with this part. He's been on a few dates, kissed a few guys. But nothing serious or ever got past the first couple dates though. His family, his devotion to music - those usually made it not worth the trouble to pursue anything more than that. How could you have a boyfriend when you weren't even out to the family you lived with?
Things were different now though. He wasn't with his aunt and uncle anymore, they were in whole other city. Carlos knew he was gay, and only cared about him being happy. Aside from the occasional call home and family holiday visit, he didn't have to abide by anyone's standards day to day.
And even if he did? Eren was worth the trouble. That much he knew. He'll give a very gentle squeeze of Eren's hand.]
I'd...call it one, myself.
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He saw through his greenhorn then, huh. Obviously, he's known ever since the first date fiasco. Eren considers with his mouth closed, considers everything he's heard people say to him during this dilema. He may not speak the language very well, and it may be awkward, butā he was just, eh, weird that way. He never liked walking to most drum strikes anyway, and if there was one thing that this all taught him, it was to just do him from start to finish.
There hasn't been a moment where he's stopped smiling, though. A little more subtle, but as vibrant as the moon was, content with just feeling fingers and holding them. ]
Whatever we call it, [ His lip lifts a little, as if to say screw the rules, ] I just hope we can keep doing it.
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He didn't mind that Eren was a greenhorn, or that things would be taken slow. He was fine with slow himself. As long as he could be with Eren, that would be enough.]
I'm not going anywhere.
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[ He's said thatā countless times when Elliot's needed him, probably, or whenever Eren felt it necessary. There's a pause now, silence that didn't really feel awkward at all when his gaze goes from sky to Elliot, Elliot to sky. Still warm enough to get him through any winter, he felt.
There is . . . One thing he wants to say, though. ]
Listen . . . I'm sorry. For acting weird this whole time. [ Because it's now bloody apparent that some things he did, like that conversation before, and avoiding himā He was an asshat. ] You had nothing to do with it.
[ It was justā him. His problems and his confusion, but with himself. It was more an internal identification glitch than anything, but somehow it felt like something so stupid to worry about. ]
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I get it now. You were trying to work out your own feelings, but you were worried about ruining our friendship because of those feelings, right? [Elliot could relate.]
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Yāyeah. [ Oh well. ] Am I that predictable?
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K-Kinda. [He has known Eren for years. For the most part, he understood how he ticked] But it's more I felt the same. I know I got pretty weird there too...
[He scratches the back of his head with the hand underneath it] That's probably why I agreed to that date with Franklin in the first place. I mean, I really did want to see Rent, but... [...] I thought maybe if I dated other people, I'd get over you and then I wouldn't do anything to ruin our friendship.
Haha, guess that plan backfired in a big way, huh?
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The fact that they were both thinking so similarly has Eren a little baffled, if not even more stupid to have not done something sooner. Realized, even, Elliot's own subtle hints that flew over his head. Sure, he needed to work out his own things out, like understanding a little bit more of what was going on (he hadn't identified as gay, but hell if he's going to lose neurons thinking about that again). ]
For us both. [ After a moment, he gives a tiny squeeze, as if to get his attention. ] How long've youā?
[ How long were they both stupid so that they can laugh at this, forever. ]
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He seems to hesitate at the question, even blushing a little, just thinking about it. But there was no point in denying it, really. Tonight's events had swept away the last of the big secrets he kept from Eren. ]
Ahaha..a-awhile? I think the last time you visited New York was when I realized...
[Realized, at least. How long he had actually had feelings for Eren? He wasn't sure himself. Maybe it had been during that visit to New York, or maybe it had been since the first day they met. Some composer he was, unable to pinpoint the exact moment his heart fell for another]
...Y-you?
[IF I HAVE TO CONFESSTO THIS EMBARRASSMENT, YOU DO TOO]
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I . . . [ He's on the same boat as Elliot, in fact. He's not pausing because he's embarrassed, as much as they're both sharing that red shade, but to actually put it as clear as possible. When did he? ] I've cared more about you since we met, but.
[ It's like he had mentioned to another, when seeking aidā He knew him for years, he adored him. He was the guy who'd go out of his way to want to genuinely interact with Eren. ]
I never liked anyone before. [ At least, not like this. He probably thought he was just super fond of himā he wasn't even into dating, or guys. ] I started realizing how much when you moved here.
[ He was within reach, he could see him everyday if he wanted, and he found himself wanting to constantly. ]
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Heehee, what a pair we make, huh? [He sounds both so happy and amused at that. Both of them had feelings for some time before realizing, and both took their times to do something about it once they did.
But yet here they were now, talking things out and being together. It had taken years and miles to get here, but they were here, by some chance. It almost felt like destiny to Elliot. Which was a comforting thought for Elliot, but with how much Eren valued his own freedom and autonomy...he decided not to voice it. It wasn't needed.
Instead he'll open his eyes up again and look at him. ]
I get it. Back when we mostly just chatting online, it was really easy to pretend I was overthinking it, you know? Or that I was just imagining having feelings. But...when you came to help me move in your uniform...
Well, I really did mean that bodyguard remark. I-it was hard not to check you out.
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Here come the blunder of words that aren't really coherent enough to be words under his breath. He's embarrassed! The good kind of embarrassed, he's flattered. He was really cool and dashing in that uniform.
He attempts to say something, but it just comes out as strange babble. He's trying to English, and ironicallyā if it weren't Elliot he'd just shrug it off. Uh, okay. Not interested. It actually being someone of interest changes everything. Was he attracted to him as well? Of course, how many times was he caught simply staring at him? Differently, but still staring. This is rather funny to watch. A broke record Eren. ]
Iā didn't think anyone would, so when you said thatā [ Overthinking so much that he denied any underlying meanings in that statement the first time. Likeā Elliot? Liking and being attracted to someone like him? ] I thought I was being crazy.
[ Especially when he never really cared about it! And hey, since they're talking about this . . . ]
But I still kept looking at you a lot.
[ good ]
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Like most of Elliot's laughs, there's no malice or mockery mixed into it. It's still loving and affectionate. He wasn't laughing at Eren - honestly it was hard to pinpoint the exact reason he was laughing. Maybe it was all the high running emotions finally letting themselves out, or just how stupid they both seemed now that they were being open with one another, or just seeing Eren Jaeger of all people squirm so much over something he said. Or maybe it was even his own sudden embarrassment at the thought that Eren had been looking at him too pushed his nerves over the edge. Whatever it was, the entire situation just seemed so...funny.]
S-Sorry. [He tries to apologize in between breaths and laughing sounds.] Y-You weren't [ha] crazy.
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He's visibly happy, beaming even, and Eren's wow'd that he could cause a bit of that. Elliot's done the same after all, just look at him. He could stay here all night if he could, just sit here and count the stars, or just make each other laugh like thatā it's been a while since he's laughed.
He wishes he can stay longer, but a look at the moon has him giving a sigh, the light hold on Elliot's hand earning a squeeze. In a matter of seconds, his phone begins to vibrate in his pocket, and he hangs his head as he sits up. That's his curfew alarm, to a rockin' version of the Air Force melody. ]
Gotta go.
[ The first time in probably ever: the look in Eren's eyes to go back to the Fort isn't an excited one. He'sādisappointed. At least there's only one week left until freedom to roam. He'll only have to go to class and train in the mornings at much more flexible hours, like any college student. ]
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Oh...that late already?
[Eren's look of disappointment is matched by Elliot's own. It's hard not to feel disappointment. No one would want to leave a moment this wonderful. There's a quick thought in his head that tells him to encourage Eren to ignore the alarm. To stay out here a little longer. By the look in Eren's eyes, it probably wouldn't be a hard sell at all.
But even if that's tempting...Elliot dismisses the thought. He didn't want to get Eren in trouble. Not when he was so close to achieving his dream. So he'll blink away his own disappointed look, and offer Eren a small, empathetic but understanding smile. His free hand will reach over and very lightly touch Eren's shoulder.]
You can do it. I'll wait. It's just one more week.
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