you want to hide it. could be because you don’t want to remember or because you don’t want other people to get the wrong idea. i guess it was both for me? i got my past dad’s glasses.
[There's a pause. He wants to inquire more, but Eren just said it was something he doesn't want to remember- so it'd be mean to force him to do so. It's probably go some real bad baggage if Eren's pushing it away. It made his own reason feel silly in comparison.]
I guess it's something like that... I dunno. The whole past memories thing is still confusing sometimes. I mean, I really do want to make sure they're all okay but...
[ elliot’s a sweetheart, but— eren wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place if he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. it took some months, but this mission . . .
his eyes are far more opened than they were. it has some ways to go, but he prefers it this way. ]
it’s hard to change how we feel over night. i don’t think so. i do it. a lot. why do you?
[Because okay, as much as he doesn't want to upset Eren by prying- that's also a weird way to phrase it
It's nice to hear Eren does resent it too. Makes him feel less like a terrible person]
Well, I'm sure they're nice people And none of this is their fault But I feel like I'm being set up to live some life I didn't choose all over again. I can't help but resent that a little.
i threw up on akira but he took me home and showed me magic tricks
[ HE’LL EXPLAIN BUT. good . . . end?????
but there’s a fair pause here. it’s the same thing— and he can’t help but to feel relief when this all bubbles up in his throat and . . . he’s not afraid to say it. ]
i need to tell you something i didn’t before because i needed to think about it and get to the conclusion on my own you gave me word last time, so i think it’s my turn
these memories are either going to make us really, really strong or completely useless elliot. even before the titan powers i’ve been afraid you just get the feeling that things can repeat themselves, that goes for everyone
i remembered picking up my dad’s glasses as a kid in the middle of the woods, alone, in a no titan zone. he’d been half eaten. the conclusion’s pretty obvious.
[ a pause. ]
and that’s just one of them. i’m not the person i thought i was in these memories. maybe i just wanted to be special or whatever, something stupid like that so i waited. like a dumbass, twice. and that just made my first few days here shitty and not just for me.
it’s all up to us. the only person who’s going to affirm that you’re turning into someone you’re not is you. i’m done being trapped like that. from now on i make my own damn choices because no one else has that sort of power over me but me. if memories are that much stronger than our will than you’re already signing papers. don’t let that happen.
[That's...what do you even say to memories like that? Elliot had some bad memories, but none of them that made him doubt question things about himself like that. There's a pause before he responds.]
I wish we were having this conversation in person. [He can't hug you over text!]
I'm really proud of you. You actually sound like you did when we first met. Remember? When you yelled at me about complying to my family's dreams instead of following my own?
we can always talk about it when we feel cornered, a lot more things happened.
[ he’s not about to chipperly bring up war, but . . . haha. that makes his heartstone warm. ]
it was about time he came back sometimes we just need to remember that we’re the ones that put chains on us in the first place. other eren made his choices because he had to. i’m making mine because i want to.
Yeah, and we will if you want to. I just mean, I'm not always the best with words? But I know how to hug. Like I'd be giving you one right now.
[Especially when sometimes, there are no words to be said, but over text- silence just comes off all wrong. ]
You're right. We're our own best jailkeepers. I believe in you Eren, that you'll be the man you want. But don't think you have to do it alone, you know. We are a team.
i can feel it from here. and i do. if it’s something that doesn’t matter to me i shouldn’t be dead set on keeping it from you anyway if you found out on your own somehow, like those train carts in the tunnels? you wouldn’t like it. no one does.
[ even if there’s gracious understanding in the middle of it, that’s just the way things are, that’s just how . . . human nature is. and like he said to yusuke, he’s sure of something: he doesn’t want to be that sort of person to elliot. he’s kept enough things, and unfortunate for him, it’s the kind that eats at him. like he’s doing more wrong than he is good.
and when that starts happening, the red flags should go up. if they don’t, then you’re still doing good. keep at it. ]
and i don’t have any reason to worry if that isn’t going to be me in the end automatically you don’t worry either
[ that’s just how strong confidence is. it’s contagious. and he still wants to be that sturdy safe haven he’s always wanted to be for him. ]
that’s our team. and i always want you in it. the same way i want to be there right now
Oh right, that train car. That wasn't fun.... Okay. How about once all of this is over, we make a night of it? We can order pizza and take turns sharing memories with each other. I think it's fair to say we've both been holding back stuff we shouldn't.
[Not that his were really for the same reason, but Eren had a point. It was better to be up front and honest with each other than to have it come out later.
But he loves hearing that confidence out of Eren. It does a lot to quell some of the worries that were nagging him the past few months over him.]
Hehe, yeah. Even if Retrospec made the mistake of putting us on the wrong teams this mission It doesn't change that you're my #1 teammate.
it’s gonna be a better movie night than the actual movies up for rental it’s a deal.
[ an idea that, you know— doesn’t seem bad at all, when they put it like that. treating these memories differently might help them a lot more than they think, and eren agrees with a smile that couldn’t quite be seen through text. whatever, it’s still there. ]
me too honestly i don’t think it was a mistake i think zee did a lot of this on purpose
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[There's a pause]
Actually, I got a class photo from Retrospec.
Back in December.
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that’s nice you know, my past time didn’t have pictures
does it have that nostalgic feeling?
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I didn't show it before because I was kinda embarrassed...
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Hold on, I have a copy of it in my phone.
[A moment later he'll send this photo that looks like a phone photo taken of an actual physical old photo.
Minus the copyright stuff of course]no subject
you’re embarrassed because you were happy?
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Ha...ha...
Yeah, it DOES sounds silly when you put it that way.
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it’s alright to get good things from then
I’D want those
as long as we don’t forget about here, you taught me that
and honestly..... i did the same thing with mine
for a different reason but it’s sort of the same thing at the core
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Don't worry, I'm not forgetting about here.
Though it does make feel a little better to hear you say that...
Huh? What core is that?
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you want to hide it. could be because you don’t want to remember or because you don’t want other people to get the wrong idea. i guess it was both for me?
i got my past dad’s glasses.
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[There's a pause. He wants to inquire more, but Eren just said it was something he doesn't want to remember- so it'd be mean to force him to do so. It's probably go some real bad baggage if Eren's pushing it away. It made his own reason feel silly in comparison.]
I guess it's something like that...
I dunno. The whole past memories thing is still confusing sometimes.
I mean, I really do want to make sure they're all okay but...
Is it bad that part of me resents them a little?
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[ elliot’s a sweetheart, but— eren wouldn’t have brought it up in the first place if he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. it took some months, but this mission . . .
his eyes are far more opened than they were. it has some ways to go, but he prefers it this way. ]
it’s hard to change how we feel over night. i don’t think so. i do it.
a lot.
why do you?
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[Because okay, as much as he doesn't want to upset Eren by prying- that's also a weird way to phrase it
It's nice to hear Eren does resent it too. Makes him feel less like a terrible person]
Well, I'm sure they're nice people
And none of this is their fault
But I feel like I'm being set up to live some life I didn't choose all over again.
I can't help but resent that a little.
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but he took me home and showed me magic tricks
[ HE’LL EXPLAIN BUT. good . . . end?????
but there’s a fair pause here. it’s the same thing— and he can’t help but to feel relief when this all bubbles up in his throat and . . . he’s not afraid to say it. ]
i need to tell you something i didn’t before because i needed to think about it and get to the conclusion on my own
you gave me word last time, so
i think it’s my turn
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But that does sound like something Akira would do.
[Akira is a weird but good dude, after all]
Huh? What is it?
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even before the titan powers i’ve been afraid
you just get the feeling that things can repeat themselves, that goes for everyone
i remembered picking up my dad’s glasses as a kid in the middle of the woods, alone, in a no titan zone. he’d been half eaten. the conclusion’s pretty obvious.
[ a pause. ]
and that’s just one of them. i’m not the person i thought i was in these memories. maybe i just wanted to be special or whatever, something stupid like that so i waited. like a dumbass, twice. and that just made my first few days here shitty and not just for me.
it’s all up to us. the only person who’s going to affirm that you’re turning into someone you’re not is you. i’m done being trapped like that.
from now on i make my own damn choices because no one else has that sort of power over me but me. if memories are that much stronger than our will than you’re already signing papers. don’t let that happen.
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[That's...what do you even say to memories like that? Elliot had some bad memories, but none of them that made him doubt question things about himself like that. There's a pause before he responds.]
I wish we were having this conversation in person. [He can't hug you over text!]
I'm really proud of you.
You actually sound like you did when we first met.
Remember? When you yelled at me about complying to my family's dreams instead of following my own?
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[ he’s not about to chipperly bring up war, but . . . haha. that makes his heartstone warm. ]
it was about time he came back
sometimes we just need to remember that we’re the ones that put chains on us in the first place.
other eren made his choices because he had to. i’m making mine because i want to.
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[Especially when sometimes, there are no words to be said, but over text- silence just comes off all wrong. ]
You're right. We're our own best jailkeepers.
I believe in you Eren, that you'll be the man you want.
But don't think you have to do it alone, you know.
We are a team.
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if it’s something that doesn’t matter to me i shouldn’t be dead set on keeping it from you anyway
if you found out on your own somehow, like those train carts in the tunnels? you wouldn’t like it. no one does.
[ even if there’s gracious understanding in the middle of it, that’s just the way things are, that’s just how . . . human nature is. and like he said to yusuke, he’s sure of something: he doesn’t want to be that sort of person to elliot. he’s kept enough things, and unfortunate for him, it’s the kind that eats at him. like he’s doing more wrong than he is good.
and when that starts happening, the red flags should go up. if they don’t, then you’re still doing good. keep at it. ]
and i don’t have any reason to worry if that isn’t going to be me in the end
automatically you don’t worry either
[ that’s just how strong confidence is. it’s contagious. and he still wants to be that sturdy safe haven he’s always wanted to be for him. ]
that’s our team. and i always want you in it.
the same way i want to be there
right now
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Okay. How about once all of this is over, we make a night of it?
We can order pizza and take turns sharing memories with each other.
I think it's fair to say we've both been holding back stuff we shouldn't.
[Not that his were really for the same reason, but Eren had a point. It was better to be up front and honest with each other than to have it come out later.
But he loves hearing that confidence out of Eren. It does a lot to quell some of the worries that were nagging him the past few months over him.]
Hehe, yeah.
Even if Retrospec made the mistake of putting us on the wrong teams this mission
It doesn't change that you're my #1 teammate.
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it’s a deal.
[ an idea that, you know— doesn’t seem bad at all, when they put it like that. treating these memories differently might help them a lot more than they think, and eren agrees with a smile that couldn’t quite be seen through text. whatever, it’s still there. ]
me too
honestly
i don’t think it was a mistake
i think zee did a lot of this on purpose
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Something to look forward to! I think?
[Is that the right way to phrase it? Who knows]
You think so?
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we’ll be fine
[ as long as it was light and willing— only they’d be able to direct the right energy into it. and as for zee . . . ]
I talked to him. I have a conclusion I think but
what did you think of him?
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We'll just make sure to go nice and easy.
[Take breaks, make sure they were comfortable, etc]
Zee?
I think he's pretty nice, and it's REALLY good to have someone from Retrospec who actually responds. But...
I'm still pretty wary of him.
Though he seems to like me?
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