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[usurpers]

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[fiddlestick]

[And Elliot laughs at Eren's ears going red. He'll always find that cute okay]

Really? Yikes! Thank goodness you had good reflexes. [BE MORE CAREFUL SOLEIL...]

[usurpers]

Half of missing was thanks to a giant raccoon-bear.

[ he’ll just. let that sink in a pause of silence. with a mostly neutral expression. they sure are getting used to crazy things, huh. ]

[fiddlestick]

A giant....raccoon-bear?

[His owl-eyed expression says it all: da fuq is happening in Group 4]

[usurpers]

Yeah— it was some assclown’s pet? [ intense gesturing!! ] Can you believe he had the nerve to say, [ and then eren mimics the voice of some preppy barbie copy, rolling his eyes: ] “Hey, is there a reason why you, like, hate animals?” For being hungry, right? [ another mimicking mutter: “newehweh i love meat and you can go, like, hunt moose?? just not this one??” ]

I’m out here swallowing mutant fish arms and we got an off limits moose grazing around camp. [ HE GRABS THE CAMERA AND TURNS AROUND TO ZOOM IN ON A yes that is a moose ] Because it’s Mooses Christ or whatever.

[ he sounds huffy and he might be ranting, but at least it’s the kind of huffiness to sort of. laugh at. ]

[fiddlestick]

Oh dear. [His hand not holding the phone lifts up to cover his mouth as he laughs a little.] That does sound a bit ridiculous. I hope they're not planning to take it back on the bus with you guys.

[usurpers]

Y’know— I wouldn’t mind it.

[ is that . . . a sniper rifle he props up as he settles back where he was ]

On one condition.

[fiddlestick]

....[Oh boy]

Sweetie, please don't get yourself thrown off the bus over a moose. I do really wanna see you again.

[usurpers]

[ buT HONEY........ ]

They can keep the moose forever, as jerky. [ jerky hardly ever spoils!!! kind of. ] . . . He won’t be crazy enough. I’ll be back in one piece, with no moose on the bus.

[fiddlestick]

[NO HONEY. ELLIOT IS THE GREATEST GOOD YOU'LL EVER GET]

Here's hoping he won't be. Who is it anyway?

[usurpers]

[ eren pinches the bridge of his nose in thought. he’a a good team player. he’s a good . . . team player . . . ]

. . . Barney Kuma?

[ he knows everyone’s name ]

[fiddlestick]

Barney...Kuma?

[He thinks on it. That name doesn't sound familiar in the slightest.]

Can't say I've heard that name before.

[usurpers]

[ eren waves his hand flippantly, tilting the screen a bit toward the camp to get the guy probably next to the moose to give it pets. ]

Something like that. I think he bought your food once.

[ a dozen times but probably didn’t get a good look at his face eren was too busy ]

[fiddlestick]

Huh? I don't think--

[Wait, then he sees the guy on the video feed, and it clicks]

Oh! You mean Baren!

[usurpers]

Baren— . . .

[ . . . he told elliot’s best customer to eat grass

]

Gallons of juice Baren?

[fiddlestick]

That's him, yep.

[It's okay babe. He's hardly his best customer]

I don't know him well, but he's very much...an eccentric.

[usurpers]

[ he called you chef boyardee ]

. . . I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually does eat grass. [ and— now a near sheepish smile, to explain: ] When he told me to hunt moose except that one, I told him to stuff it. With grass.

[ the salt of enough to burn snail army— eren is a diva when he’s hungry and denied his meat ]

Bad mood.

[fiddlestick]

Oh, well...that probably wasn't the best way to handle things, but...

[He sighs]

He won't stop calling me "Elly". And then he texted 21 people in our group to make sure we look after his cousin.

So, I can understand the annoyance.

[Aka Elliot ain't gonna scold you, you're good]

[usurpers]

. . . I don’t call you Elly.

[ unwanted intimacy much???? this bozo??? he’ll punch him. in his mind. ]

What a spacey mother— Your sleep spells don’t work long distance either, do they?

[fiddlestick]

I know, and I really appreciate you for that.

[Legit the only people that call him that is his family. And he wants to keep it that way]

Aha, I'm afraid they don't, no.

(1/2)

[usurpers]

[ eren suddenly looks like he’s realized something, before raising a fist in half-awe and staring down. ]

I think I got one . . .

[ right here, in his fist ]

[usurpers]

[ he pauses, looking completely serious and deadpan— before he starts smiling.

he’s kidding. ]

It’s not violence, don’t worry.

[fiddlestick]

[Elliot was just halfway through saying "Eren no-" when he smiles and reassures him he's kidding. NO PUNCHING THE ANNOYING GUY]

Jeez... haha, you had me going.

What do you mean?

[usurpers]

Think I need a break from that.

[ violently wanting to punch people, he means. let’s save that for evil forces and terrorism against the good of all people. ]

Maybe just— [ he shrugs. ] Ignore it, I dunno. Like the rubber chicken bearing test.

[ eren . . . is that you ]

[fiddlestick]

[Wow Eren, that is way more restraint than Elliot's used to from him. He looks briefly surprised, before he smiles and gives a soft little laugh.

He takes a moment to look for something on his phone, then drops this video link into the text chat window of their conversation.]

Eheh, maybe imagine this sound when he talks?

[usurpers]

[ tolerance has to be high when you’re dealing with civilians . . . the question for eren is how much farther

but with the link open, his face still remains and watches the video through screen split. and— he only smiles when he’s done, looking up at elliot with a light chuckle and almost a breath of relief that he got through that, on point. ]

This brings me back, I trained so much for this.

[ and after a second . . . link! ]

Try this one.