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[usurpers]

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[fiddlestick]

[Too bad you had to go and eat past dad, you could've had a magnificent beard by now]

Aha, you sure? Well...if you insist, I think I know just the right test to see if it's worth keeping.

[He basically just means kissing you to see it's too weird feeling, but whatever]

Wow! That's cool! Too bad about the moose though, though I did see a picture of Soleil riding one?

[usurpers]

[ is that infamous cherry red ears burning up his face or is it just the sky colors . . . anyway, eren makes something of a groaning sound through a smile that still sticks to him. ]

That’s the moose. [ he shrugs, making a face. ] It wandered into camp. I had it right in my scope, and . . . [ tongue click, followed by clapping over his face. lord, his distress when he was three seconds away from pulling the trigger. ] She went running for it.

[fiddlestick]

[And Elliot laughs at Eren's ears going red. He'll always find that cute okay]

Really? Yikes! Thank goodness you had good reflexes. [BE MORE CAREFUL SOLEIL...]

[usurpers]

Half of missing was thanks to a giant raccoon-bear.

[ he’ll just. let that sink in a pause of silence. with a mostly neutral expression. they sure are getting used to crazy things, huh. ]

[fiddlestick]

A giant....raccoon-bear?

[His owl-eyed expression says it all: da fuq is happening in Group 4]

[usurpers]

Yeah— it was some assclown’s pet? [ intense gesturing!! ] Can you believe he had the nerve to say, [ and then eren mimics the voice of some preppy barbie copy, rolling his eyes: ] “Hey, is there a reason why you, like, hate animals?” For being hungry, right? [ another mimicking mutter: “newehweh i love meat and you can go, like, hunt moose?? just not this one??” ]

I’m out here swallowing mutant fish arms and we got an off limits moose grazing around camp. [ HE GRABS THE CAMERA AND TURNS AROUND TO ZOOM IN ON A yes that is a moose ] Because it’s Mooses Christ or whatever.

[ he sounds huffy and he might be ranting, but at least it’s the kind of huffiness to sort of. laugh at. ]

[fiddlestick]

Oh dear. [His hand not holding the phone lifts up to cover his mouth as he laughs a little.] That does sound a bit ridiculous. I hope they're not planning to take it back on the bus with you guys.

[usurpers]

Y’know— I wouldn’t mind it.

[ is that . . . a sniper rifle he props up as he settles back where he was ]

On one condition.

[fiddlestick]

....[Oh boy]

Sweetie, please don't get yourself thrown off the bus over a moose. I do really wanna see you again.

[usurpers]

[ buT HONEY........ ]

They can keep the moose forever, as jerky. [ jerky hardly ever spoils!!! kind of. ] . . . He won’t be crazy enough. I’ll be back in one piece, with no moose on the bus.

[fiddlestick]

[NO HONEY. ELLIOT IS THE GREATEST GOOD YOU'LL EVER GET]

Here's hoping he won't be. Who is it anyway?

[usurpers]

[ eren pinches the bridge of his nose in thought. he’a a good team player. he’s a good . . . team player . . . ]

. . . Barney Kuma?

[ he knows everyone’s name ]

[fiddlestick]

Barney...Kuma?

[He thinks on it. That name doesn't sound familiar in the slightest.]

Can't say I've heard that name before.

[usurpers]

[ eren waves his hand flippantly, tilting the screen a bit toward the camp to get the guy probably next to the moose to give it pets. ]

Something like that. I think he bought your food once.

[ a dozen times but probably didn’t get a good look at his face eren was too busy ]

[fiddlestick]

Huh? I don't think--

[Wait, then he sees the guy on the video feed, and it clicks]

Oh! You mean Baren!

[usurpers]

Baren— . . .

[ . . . he told elliot’s best customer to eat grass

]

Gallons of juice Baren?

[fiddlestick]

That's him, yep.

[It's okay babe. He's hardly his best customer]

I don't know him well, but he's very much...an eccentric.

[usurpers]

[ he called you chef boyardee ]

. . . I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually does eat grass. [ and— now a near sheepish smile, to explain: ] When he told me to hunt moose except that one, I told him to stuff it. With grass.

[ the salt of enough to burn snail army— eren is a diva when he’s hungry and denied his meat ]

Bad mood.

[fiddlestick]

Oh, well...that probably wasn't the best way to handle things, but...

[He sighs]

He won't stop calling me "Elly". And then he texted 21 people in our group to make sure we look after his cousin.

So, I can understand the annoyance.

[Aka Elliot ain't gonna scold you, you're good]

[usurpers]

. . . I don’t call you Elly.

[ unwanted intimacy much???? this bozo??? he’ll punch him. in his mind. ]

What a spacey mother— Your sleep spells don’t work long distance either, do they?

[fiddlestick]

I know, and I really appreciate you for that.

[Legit the only people that call him that is his family. And he wants to keep it that way]

Aha, I'm afraid they don't, no.

(1/2)

[usurpers]

[ eren suddenly looks like he’s realized something, before raising a fist in half-awe and staring down. ]

I think I got one . . .

[ right here, in his fist ]

[usurpers]

[ he pauses, looking completely serious and deadpan— before he starts smiling.

he’s kidding. ]

It’s not violence, don’t worry.

[fiddlestick]

[Elliot was just halfway through saying "Eren no-" when he smiles and reassures him he's kidding. NO PUNCHING THE ANNOYING GUY]

Jeez... haha, you had me going.

What do you mean?

[usurpers]

Think I need a break from that.

[ violently wanting to punch people, he means. let’s save that for evil forces and terrorism against the good of all people. ]

Maybe just— [ he shrugs. ] Ignore it, I dunno. Like the rubber chicken bearing test.

[ eren . . . is that you ]